Do Women Really Want Adventure?

First, the definition(taken from dictionary.com)

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Adventure:
–noun

1. an exciting or very unusual experience.

2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure.

3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.

4. a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture.
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Common wisdom is that everyone and especially women like adventure but as with most common wisdom, while it's not quite wrong, it's far from entirely right.

So, last time I was in Seoul again, I found myself once AGAIN looking for a new girl.  With my rather unconventional lifestyle and frequent travel, it's worked out that every time I've gotten a girl here, the relationship hasn't continued when I've returned.

This is frustratingly annoying to say the least.  There are some guys that are always out for novelty and the thrill of the hunt, but that's not my bag.  As a friend of mine said, "I don't like to hunt 'em, I like to farm 'em!"

While I've been here I've had a chance to chill out, read, exercise and muse over things while living with eNeRGy, and BlueM and Vision just upstairs.  That means I get a constant stream of data about the pickup and dating scene here and of course a broad range of guys coming at it from different angles.

And while I was walking down to get some food from the local "Kimbap Heaven" restaurant, I had a realization about the nature of adventure and what it means when it comes to dating and relationships.

We make a big mistake when we assume that more is better.  So if you take a guy who enjoys his typical 9-5 job and is gradually working his way up the corporate ladder and enjoys rock climbing on weekends, that's pretty cool.  No doubt about that.

But it begs the question, of whether the guy who sold his company for tens of millions of dollars and now spends his time traveling the world living where he wants to live when he wants to live there, is better. 

This second guy is definitely more exciting and adventurous but he's beyond the comfort zone of most women.  Even though they may be very interested and think it's a extremely cool lifestyle, that's a far cry from actually being with him.

The vast majority of women would go with guy number 1 any day of the week over guy number 2. 

And the reason is that guy number 2 is a big risk.  She has to leave her regular work-a-day lifestyle, quit her job, give up her career so she can have no idea where she'll be or what she'll be doing 6 months from now.

And that is more pressure than most women can bear--especially asian women.

I was thinking about this recently because I'm here in Phuket, Thailand which is a developing country at best and even here, women are not rushing to marry a foreigner and run off to Europe or America.  They want to stay here where it's comfortable.

I was talking to a long term resident here and he said that most guys think they'll come over here, find a "nice" woman and take her bag, but more often than not, when he sends that money over for a plane ticket instead of buying a ticket she gets herself some new clothes and gold for her mom.

That explains a lot, but now you're wondering how you can use this information and I'll cover that in another post.

Turn a Full Close into an LTR

For girls you've already f-closed there are a few things you can do.

Firstly, set up a time-bridge before you go for the f-close, or at least set up a tentative time-bridge.

Secondly, follow the "3 in 10" rule. This means that once you've f-closed a girl, fuck her 2 more times within 10 days with at least 1 day in-between. So, you f-close her on Saturday night, make sure you close her two more times by the following Monday. This is well field tested...

Thirdly, be sure to give them validation. Initially, women are in the moment and enjoying the ride while you sweep them off their feet, however after the f-close they begin to think, "What does this mean, where is this relationship going?" etc. As guys we tend to assume they they know we like them, but the reality is that once you've f-closed them, they feel like they've played their last card.

So, you have to continue to qualify them, especially SOIs, and force framing so they feel that even though they gave it up to you, you still value them for them. Also, continue to use future projection to weave the two of you into a life together in the future.

Don't worry about falling into the boyfriend/girlfriend frame, because you've already framed that you date multiple women AND you won't be showing needy behavior AND will stay away from developing patterns and routines with her.

When I first started implimenting the 3 in 10 I noticed that some girls would blow out after the 2nd time, or sometimes after the first.  I also realized that sometimes because of my travel schedule I was unable to complete the 3 in 10 and this lead me to realize that it is an indicator rather than a technique to make the LTR happen.

So going for it will give you a good indication where things stand, but it's not necessary to make sure that your successful close turns into a continuing thing.

But We Had Sex...

A lot of guys, especially guys who are less experienced with sex, have the wrong idea about how important sex is to women.  They've bought into the idea that sex for women must be meaningful, and I think this is the downfall of so many guys who end up in the pickup "community".

They come in with the attitude that if they could just figure out how to get sex, they're problems with women and dating would totally be solved.  They usually have a few female friends that they orbit around who tell them what great guys there are, and lucky some woman would be to be with them, and maybe they've had a girlfriend or two so they figure they're pretty good at the relationship thing.

Then they learn pickup and they finally are able to get sex...but it's not leading to the relationships they wanted--in fact it leads to a lot of sex with many different girls that stalls out quickly  And then they get confused and jaded about pickup.

The mistake these guys make is thinking that sex for women is a meaningful emotional investment.

They grew up believing that women are special creatures who live in fantasy land rather than realzing that women can be just as pragmatic, practical and ruthless as men.

There's a wide spread belief that one night stands are a case of guys USING girls, when this is only the case for a small minority of guys--arguably guys who hate or think very little of women.  Guys who get into the "community" usually adore women, and see themselves as being inadequate.  And if they do harbor hatred for women it's because they've sought their approval and been denied, much like Ephialtes in the movie 300 felt about the Spartans.

A large majority of the guys who come into the "community" think that the skills they have are enough to make women swoon and that their cocks are some powerful sceptre that enslaves women in love.

I recently heard the term, "sport fucking" from a blog that I'll post up some things about later, and it means that since women in modern developed societies are pretty secure in terms of survival they don't really need to select all that carefully for the guys they sleep with.  Instead, they can "sport fuck" knowing that there are no consequences because they're on birth control, they have condoms, they can have an abortion, and even if they have the kid they can still extract cash from the man via the legal system.

So this security means that sex no longer has the serious implications that it once did.  This is good news because it makes women more open to sexual adventures.  It's bad news though because most guys still cling on to the old notions of how women operate.

They think that just because they've penetrated a woman, she must be in love and have special feelings, and hold him in high regard.

I can tell you from my experience that sex can mean something to a woman but it can just as easily mean absolutely nothing.

It hurts a lot of guys feelings when they find this out.  Because now they realize that there is more work to be done and they're not going to be home by dinner time.

This is especially true of guys who fancy themselves sexual masters.  I've done a lot of reading on sex and sexuality and I've worked on my technique and women love it.  It's fantastic for them, BUT...

Improving my sexual technique has not meant that I'm suddenly able to control women or that my relationships have significantly improved(though we do have more fun).

In fact, I think that when the sex is really good the first time, women put their emotional defences on full alert because they often don't want a "sport fuck" to turn into anything more.

I'm under-exagerating the power of sex a bit but only because I need to compensate for how society has put it on some higher spiritual plane of existence.  It can be like that, but she has to be willing.

And many(most?) women aren't open to that for a variety of reasons, many(most?) of which have absolutely nothing at all to do with you.

Watch Sex and the City.  Women love that show because they identify with the characters so well.  Sure, the four girls are caricatures, but that just serves to make it much easier for you to learn from it. 

So the main take-away is that sex is sex.  Relationships are relationships.  They are intertwined and are also mutually exclusive, so don't get them confused or you will end up very, very disappointed.

Sideways--Miles and Jack On How To Plug The Wrong Hole

I watched Sideways on the plane ride to Singapore and I was really disappointed.  This movie has won tons of awards and is supposed to be a really great moving masterpiece or something.

The reality is that this movie's main characters are weak individuals not because they do "bad things"(we all do) but because they're such wussies about it.  One guy is about to get married, so before that he decides to have fling with a chick.

No problem there, the guy's not married yet, right?

Except that he deludes himself into believing that he wants to end the wedding that's less than a week off and tell this chick he loves her and shit and that he wants to leave his San Diego life behind him to move out to the vineyards to live near her.  This is what makes him a loser.

The other character is even worse.  Because he even lies to his friend.  Two characters terrified of being alone.  It's actually quite sickening.  It disgusts me that this movie is such a big hit and that people can relate to it.

Two DoucheBags--I pity anyone who is friends, relatives, lovers, co-workers or in any way intertwined
with these lowlifes.

The feelings, sure.  The behavior.  Despicable. 

I'm not against lying per se, but I am against lying to people who don't have arbitrary authority over you(ie lying to government, and your parents when you're a minor is A-OK in my book).

But lying to your friends is just pretending to be someone you're not and when you do that people won't like or love you for who you REALLY are but instead for who they THINK you are.  And that's is a terrible foundation for a long lasting relationship, and whatever relationship you do have won't be fulfilling in the way it's supposed to be.

Guys, as someone who's dated multiple women simultaneously for over 7 years, I can tell you that it's much more satisfying when everyone is on the same page.  Yes, indeed, there are women who don't like it and leave.  And yes it is sad.

Mourn your losses, remember the joys and keep moving.

And Miles would never have gotten Maya back--such a weak approval seeking guy.  Enjoy approval, but understand that it is a by-product of what you do, which is a by-product of who you are.

You only get one Mom.  And if you're reading this, you're too old to be sucking at some woman's teet.

Okay, enough of my ranting for now.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #2: Execute Now, Strategize Later

It is important to understand that you don't have to run perfect game to have the kind of life with women you want.

The goal isn't to run perfect game; the goal is to build the kinds of relationships you want with women.

So while it is true you want to focus on building the skill set as an over-all frame, when you're in the sarge, be focused on the interaction itself and on what you can do to make it better rather than on how well or how poorly your running your game.

Generally speaking you should be evaluating your game AFTER the night is over, not during which is one good reason to be in set as much as possible.

It keeps you out of your head and gives you lots of time to remember the things you should be doing to progress the sarge over the course of a night.

Get Blown or Blown Out!

Don't BE Samson - LEARN from SamsonOne-itis(noun):

1. the fixation by a guy (usually) on one girl, who he imbues with positive qualities(that she may not possess) or whose positive qualities are imbued with such value that all negative qualities are overlooked and/or rationalized away to the point that she seems to be totally irreplaceable as a potential partner for sex, dating, a relationship, marriage or all of the above.

2. a woman who a guy has one-itis for

3. (adjective) the state of having one-itis

One-itis is one of the most destructive forces known to man.  Think Samson and Delilah.  Think Bathsheba and King David.  Think Cleopatra and Marc Antony.  No matter how you look at it, the heedless chase for a particular woman has dealt a deadly blow to many a man...

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The Way of the Superior Man

This is a fantastic book.  Fantastic as in, I've personally repurchased this at least FOUR times because for some people I felt the information in this book was too valuable for them to have to wait the week it might take for them to get it themselves.

Now I'm not saying that this book alone is enough to save a relationship that's in a total tailspin--what I AM saying though is that it will stabilize things and at least allow you to bring her in for a controlled crash landing.

It definitely helped one of my married buddies improve his already quite good marriage.

And if you're not in a relationship it will help you gear up for the next one and start it off on the right foot.  This book is not only about relationships though.

In fact, good relationships are just one of the byproducts of the principles that David Deida discusses in the book.

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