The Best Place to PickUp in Asia?

I travel in Asia...A LOT.  In the past 12 months, I've been to Thailand, Japan, Korea, China, Taiwan, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Malaysia(most of them multiple times).

And while there are beautiful women everywhere I think Japan stands out as the best place for pickup.

And it's all demographics:

• China has 1.3 BILLION people, that's 1,300 million people
• Japan has 130 million
• Thailand has about 70 million
• Indonesia, the most populous SE Asian country has 238 million
• Singapore has only 5 million

Based off these raw numbers, you'd think that China would be your best place to pickup.  However most foreign guys are reallly only interested in women of a certain socio-economic background--educated, middle class women and up.  

(Not all guys though...In Thailand, I have a friend who was explaining to his girlfriend that when you're looking at a world map, the edge of one side of the map leads to the edge of the OPPOSITE side of the map!  Another friend, used to quiz girls on their times tables!)

I read one statistic that says that of China's 1,300 million, only 60 million are middle class!

Contrast that with Japan where the middle class makes up 125 million.  Plus with China's one child policy and their preference for male children, the percentage of women in that 60 million is looking not so good.

Additionally, the large population means that there are more subcultures(the homogeneity of Singapore stands out here, *yawn*).

And while Indonesia has almost as many people as the US, the income per person there is lower than China...and it's muslim, which REALLY doesn't help you with getting chicks into bed.

I think this is why Japanese girls are so renowned all over the world.  That and their huge porn industry!

Why Is Meeting Women So Hard?

Here is a rather interesting exchange I had with a client over chat a while back.  I always like to have these kind of conversations because it helps me to really keep my thinking sharp and to clarify concepts:

2:10 AM E: i was just thinking the other day

  y is picking up so foreign to me

  i mean, im a human male, i should know what to do

  but i dont

  in the animal kingdom all the males pretty much know what to do

  but why is it so hard with human courship, especially for males???

2:11 AM men have trouble gettng a girl and women have trouble keeping a guy

 RPQ: that last part is because of conflicting interests.

2:12 AM Men don't know how to pick up because our minds are focused and socialized away from our natural tendencies.

  Especially smart, well educated men.

2:13 AM E: please elaborate if u can on the "focused and socialized away from natural tendencies" part

2:14 AM and also, even if its focused away, why arent girls also liek that? ie dont know how to get a guy

  dont mean to trouble u with all these questions btw, if u need to go or anything let me know

 RPQ: What makes people seductive is the more "animal" part of their nature. But we lose that through socialization.

2:15 AM E: ok...

  that makes sense

 RPQ: 1. girls aren't as socialized away from their natural tendencies as men

  2. for women, looks plays a major role.

 E: how have men been socialized away?

2:16 AM RPQ: People are attracted to emotions...but most intelligent men are quite disconnected. If they weren't, they wouldn't have been able to focus on their studies.

  That's why atheletes tend to be better with women. They're more "raw"

2:17 AM And if you watch chick flicks, which you should if you don't you'll see that it's all about emotions.

  I especially recommend: Titanic, Pretty Woman, Sex and the City, and Twilight.

2:18 AM Bridget Jones Diary

 E: but i thought athletes got chicks cuz they were alpha males and looked good generally

 RPQ: That's right...but alpha maleness doesn't fit in with academics.

2:19 AM E: but in those movies, dont circumstances play a major role? ie if im not on a sinking ship, im in a totally boring different situation

 RPQ: Alphaness has a lot to do with power and drive.

  the seduction happens loooong before the sinking part.

 E: yup....so academics really nee $$ if they wanna be alpha

 RPQ: $$ doesn't make them alpha which is why they come to me.

2:20 AM E: REALLY???

 RPQ: I've had at least one client who was a millionaire.

 E: i thought $$ was the last resort of the game-less

 RPQ: and he ran a porn site.

 E: hahahahh lol

 RPQ: That's what everyone thinks, but then when they have it they realize it's not enough.

  It can be for some people though.

  You'll be able to attract gold diggers.

2:21 AM E: so then, if its raw animal emotions that make a man alpha, how do u get there?

  and what is that like?

  i dont even know

 RPQ: That's part of it.

  Ok, so you would be a person who won't have too much trouble.

2:22 AM taping into your inate alphaness

  and the reason I know this is because you left your cushy situation to go after what you really want.

  That's one of the keys. Most people are doing what they are supposed to do even though they hate it. NOT Alpha at all.

2:23 AM That's the virtual definition of beta...you're a follower if you're doing that.

 E: yea i think i read or ehard that somewhere else too

  like ur not "on ur path"

 RPQ: Yeah...that's probably from "The Way of the Superior Man"

 E: possibly yea, but i think i heard it on one of david deangelo's audio thingy's

2:24 AM RPQ: ahhh, ok.

 E: how do u focus that alphaness in an interaction

 RPQ: I don't.

2:25 AM Really you have to cut off your non-alpha tendencies.

  So think like this.

  When we're born we're all Alpha.

 E: ok...

 RPQ: How do we know? Because every baby takes what they want.

 E: ok

 RPQ: They don't care how it effects others. They want it and they're going to get it.

  It's only later that we learn to curtail these drives or learn they aren't appropriate OR

 E: yup...

2:26 AM RPQ: learn how to channel them in the right way so we do get what we want without rocking the boat too much.

  And when I say "too much" that means not so much that people won't give it to you.

2:27 AM or that you get smacked down going for it...

 E: hahaha yup

 RPQ: white collar crime would be an example of alpha behavior that will get you smacked down.

 E: so essentially decide what u want and just take it?

  ok besides crime obviously

2:28 AM RPQ: yup, but it's not as easy as all that because most of us have mental blocks against taking what we want.

  Deserving issues, guilt

  fear

 E: but woudnt u still have to include that in an interaction with a woman?

 RPQ: what do you mean?

 E: like for instance, lets say at work i TAKE what i want

  but, when i meet a chick

  theres not much to TAKE

2:29 AM like.....i woudlnt suddenly take food off her plate etc

 RPQ: you might if you wanted it.

  why not?

 E: how would u "cut off nonalpha" tendencies in the interaction itself to make it known ur alpha

  hahaha i guess i could

 RPQ: or you'd do what I do, which is lean forward and open my mouth

 E: but if i dont wnat to take her food, what are more natural ways of asserting alpha

2:30 AM RPQ: Then what do you want in that moment?

  That's the point.

  Feeling that it's ok to have what you want in the moment.

  Doesn't mean you always do it, but you first have to have the feeling it's ok.

2:31 AM E: ok....

 RPQ: Like I used to feel bad about having sex with the first girl I regularly had sex with.

 E: so get used to the alpha in ur bloodstream first?

 RPQ: I felt bad because I didn't "love" her.

  But I wanted sex.

 E: yea i get that guilt too

 RPQ: I wasn't promising her anything though, so she didn't think it was more than a sex thing.

 E: its worse for us asians....so much guilt

 RPQ: It was a personal issue with not being ok with my desires.

2:32 AM I've since overcome that problem :D

 E: hahahah ok

  so back to the alpha thing, ur saying get used to being alpha in general, in all circumstances

  just get used to it

2:33 AM RPQ: yeah, you can't be alpha "sometimes". It's not a switch.

 E: take what u want, except when it could lead to a smackdown

  yup

  ok

 RPQ: I'd say the first step is knowing that it's ok to want whatever it is you want.

 E: ok

 RPQ: That's the real problem.

  Part 2 is

 E: yea ur right

  but go an

2:34 AM on

 RPQ: being able to motivate ourselves to take action towards what we want.

  If you have the ability to do those things then you really do have CHOICE of how you lead your life.

  That's alpha.

 E: ok

 RPQ: Because we have to make trade-offs. You can't have everything.

 E: im starting to see it

2:35 AM RPQ: And being smart people we can use our brains to figure out the BEST way to get what we want.

 E: but....i still cant see how taht transaltes to attractiveness for a female

  so basically ur like a cavemen taking whatevre the hell u want

 RPQ: As in why is alphaness attractive to women?

2:36 AM E: kindof yea....think about it, shes sitting there iwth u, and ur just taking whatever u want, why the hell does she like u????

 RPQ: Once again, it's not the DISPLAY that matters(though selective displays are valuable) it's the ALPHANESS itself that matters.

2:37 AM The display is like makeup, your inate alphaness is like natural looks in women.

 E: ahhhh

  ok

2:38 AM so, be innately alpha and u'd be equivalent to a hot chick with no makeup

 RPQ: yup.

  but if she still should put on makeup if she wants to have the best effect. And dress hot.

  and go to the gym.

 E: so i suppose, in every situaion, u know what ur doing, and when there are choices to be made, like either dinner or movie, YOU'd be choosing?

  cuz ur alpha?

2:39 AM RPQ: yeah

  But of course you can take what she wants into account.

  Where you lose is when you do something you don't want to do because you think she'll like you more for it.

 E: dont u worry about ur inner alphaness turning u into a chauvinist pig?

  ok undestood, ur last statement is clearly correct, and very beta of the guy

2:40 AM RPQ: Think of the difference between big loser guy telling a girl he wants to give her a massage versus Brad Pitt.

 E: so only do what she wants if its wat u want to do also

 RPQ: One seems self-serving, while the other seems like he's just a nice guy.

  Or rather a guy who's being nice

  Clearly brad pitt isn't doing it so the girl likes him. He's doing it because he wants to.

2:41 AM That's not to say that it can't work if you're beta, but it's a very different frame.

 E: hmmm

2:42 AM u know

  ive very rarely told a girl i like her

  i think i havent been alpha enough to just say it

  cuz its what i want

  ive just been always trying to figure out if she likes me first

  and then think about what to do

 RPQ: B-E-T-A

2:43 AM E: very calculative, thinking, thinking, then shes with another guy

  yea

  beta

  i see it now

  so if i like a girl i just tell her

  ?

  dont think too much?

  or will that spoil game a bit

2:44 AM and better to qualify first

 RPQ: That's a strategic decision, but the point is that you're making that decision from a position of power and self-mastery, not fear.

2:45 AM E: ok.....so for now, even if i screw up the closing, at least make all decisions from the alpha-zone?

2:46 AM RPQ: yup.

 E: thanks for clearing that up bro

 RPQ: you're welcome.

Want to Get Better With Women? There AreTwo Simple Ways to Put the Odds in Your Favor

There is so much information out there about meeting women and dating.  There's complete stories for you to repeat, games you can play, concepts to master, etc.

BUT, it really comes down to two things, and everything about picking up and dating women is at essence about these two things.  When you know and understand what these two things are, you can improve your success rate much more easily than most guys can.

Most guys who are learning this stuff want to know EVERYTHING.  In fact you're probably reading this because you're a logical guy who wants to know how to get from point A to point D and doesn't want to step out the door until you have full color map with all the detours highlighted in yellow so that you'll be ready for any and every contingency.

Unfortunately, what that means is that you're still sitting at home rather than having a great time with the ladies.  Whatever your level of skill with women is now, you can have more success just based on simple math.

Here it is, the first thing you need to do to improve your success with women:

1) Increase the total number of interactions you have with women

What a relief, right?  Because what it means, is that whatever your level of skill is with women right now, there are some that you could have success with.  Trust me on this.

Even the lamest of the lame guys get laid occasionally.  So you have to get out there and meet more women.  If you do that and nothing else, you will have more success--more phone numbers, more dates, and more sex.  You can't not--it's simple math.

And now the second thing:

2) Increase the effectiveness of each interaction

I'm talking about increasing those percentages, so that instead of 100 interactions to get 1 number, you only need 50 to get 1, and then 20 to get 1.  I'm talking about improving so that instead of 50 phone numbers to get one date, you only need 30, or only 10.

And most deliciously of all, going from needing to go on dates with 30 women to have sex with 1, you can reduce that number to 10 or even 5. I bet that would make dating a lot more exciting for you, wouldn't it?

You need a two pronged attack. 

When my father was a kid, he used to tell my grandmother that he was worried about becoming perfect.  Her answer, "No danger".

Instead of worrying about being perfect, go out there and put those numbers in your favor.  Because you can have more success if you change nothing at all about yourself, and with even small improvements you can make that success come faster.

Do Women Really Want Adventure?

First, the definition(taken from dictionary.com)

----
Adventure:
–noun

1. an exciting or very unusual experience.

2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure.

3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.

4. a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture.
----

Common wisdom is that everyone and especially women like adventure but as with most common wisdom, while it's not quite wrong, it's far from entirely right.

So, last time I was in Seoul again, I found myself once AGAIN looking for a new girl.  With my rather unconventional lifestyle and frequent travel, it's worked out that every time I've gotten a girl here, the relationship hasn't continued when I've returned.

This is frustratingly annoying to say the least.  There are some guys that are always out for novelty and the thrill of the hunt, but that's not my bag.  As a friend of mine said, "I don't like to hunt 'em, I like to farm 'em!"

While I've been here I've had a chance to chill out, read, exercise and muse over things while living with eNeRGy, and BlueM and Vision just upstairs.  That means I get a constant stream of data about the pickup and dating scene here and of course a broad range of guys coming at it from different angles.

And while I was walking down to get some food from the local "Kimbap Heaven" restaurant, I had a realization about the nature of adventure and what it means when it comes to dating and relationships.

We make a big mistake when we assume that more is better.  So if you take a guy who enjoys his typical 9-5 job and is gradually working his way up the corporate ladder and enjoys rock climbing on weekends, that's pretty cool.  No doubt about that.

But it begs the question, of whether the guy who sold his company for tens of millions of dollars and now spends his time traveling the world living where he wants to live when he wants to live there, is better. 

This second guy is definitely more exciting and adventurous but he's beyond the comfort zone of most women.  Even though they may be very interested and think it's a extremely cool lifestyle, that's a far cry from actually being with him.

The vast majority of women would go with guy number 1 any day of the week over guy number 2. 

And the reason is that guy number 2 is a big risk.  She has to leave her regular work-a-day lifestyle, quit her job, give up her career so she can have no idea where she'll be or what she'll be doing 6 months from now.

And that is more pressure than most women can bear--especially asian women.

I was thinking about this recently because I'm here in Phuket, Thailand which is a developing country at best and even here, women are not rushing to marry a foreigner and run off to Europe or America.  They want to stay here where it's comfortable.

I was talking to a long term resident here and he said that most guys think they'll come over here, find a "nice" woman and take her bag, but more often than not, when he sends that money over for a plane ticket instead of buying a ticket she gets herself some new clothes and gold for her mom.

That explains a lot, but now you're wondering how you can use this information and I'll cover that in another post.

Shanghai Night Life: Part I

It's been a few months since I was last in Shanghai, but a friend of mine is planning on going there to party and asked me for some tips on the scene.  So instead, of writing an e-mail that will benefit just one person, I thought I'd put it up here for everyone to see.

First off, the Shanghai scene is different from other scenes in Asia because the night spots are spread out all over the city.  Secondly, people tend to bounce around to 3 or 4 different venues on any given night out rather than picking a spot and staying there.

One of the really cool things about zipping around from venue to venue by taxi is that it makes bouncing a whole lot easier than the other cities I've been in like Tokyo, Osaka, Hong Kong, Singapore, Taipei and Seoul.

The Shanghai scene also gets started a bit earlier and dies down a bit earlier with a lot of people heading home around 3 or 4am, which in Japan and Korea are the most pumping-est times to be in the club.

On the whole, venues are smaller, and there are more lounge/bar type places and the western style clubs that are there tend to be smaller.  There are also a lot of Chinese style clubs.

Chinese style clubs are more like really loud, dark lounges with small dancefloors.  Most of the time people go there with a large group of friends(like 10 or more).  These social circles are usually guys who have invited their female "friends" out and are footing the bill for the table and drinks.  The guys tend to be pretty protective and it's hard to break into these groups without an "in".  So if you don't know anyone there it's tough, especially for westerners.

Asians seem to have more success with this.  However sometimes the girls will be standing nearby and then you can sometimes cherry pick and isolate them before the guys get involved.  If they do confront you, I find the best way to handle the situation is to be friendly and talk in the face of their hostile stare down and it won't escalate.  Also you get bonus points for being cool and chill while he's doing his try hard alpha show for the girls that he thinks makes him look cool when really the girls are just wondering what he's getting so bent out of shape about.

Because you'll be spending a lot of time in taxis and you probably don't speak Chinese, youre best off to use a service called Guanxi that allows you to text the name of the club, restaurant, bar, etc, you want to go to in English.  You'll get a text back with a selection of the possible places you mean; you select one, and then they send you the address.  You can get the address in Chinese too which you can then show to your taxi driver: 95882929

There's also a free English language call-in service you can use instead(though I've never tried it myself): 962288

In Part II, I'll tell you where to go to chill out and soak in the good vibes as well as where to go to party it up with the cool kids:

Shanghai Night Life Part II

But We Had Sex...

A lot of guys, especially guys who are less experienced with sex, have the wrong idea about how important sex is to women.  They've bought into the idea that sex for women must be meaningful, and I think this is the downfall of so many guys who end up in the pickup "community".

They come in with the attitude that if they could just figure out how to get sex, they're problems with women and dating would totally be solved.  They usually have a few female friends that they orbit around who tell them what great guys there are, and lucky some woman would be to be with them, and maybe they've had a girlfriend or two so they figure they're pretty good at the relationship thing.

Then they learn pickup and they finally are able to get sex...but it's not leading to the relationships they wanted--in fact it leads to a lot of sex with many different girls that stalls out quickly  And then they get confused and jaded about pickup.

The mistake these guys make is thinking that sex for women is a meaningful emotional investment.

They grew up believing that women are special creatures who live in fantasy land rather than realzing that women can be just as pragmatic, practical and ruthless as men.

There's a wide spread belief that one night stands are a case of guys USING girls, when this is only the case for a small minority of guys--arguably guys who hate or think very little of women.  Guys who get into the "community" usually adore women, and see themselves as being inadequate.  And if they do harbor hatred for women it's because they've sought their approval and been denied, much like Ephialtes in the movie 300 felt about the Spartans.

A large majority of the guys who come into the "community" think that the skills they have are enough to make women swoon and that their cocks are some powerful sceptre that enslaves women in love.

I recently heard the term, "sport fucking" from a blog that I'll post up some things about later, and it means that since women in modern developed societies are pretty secure in terms of survival they don't really need to select all that carefully for the guys they sleep with.  Instead, they can "sport fuck" knowing that there are no consequences because they're on birth control, they have condoms, they can have an abortion, and even if they have the kid they can still extract cash from the man via the legal system.

So this security means that sex no longer has the serious implications that it once did.  This is good news because it makes women more open to sexual adventures.  It's bad news though because most guys still cling on to the old notions of how women operate.

They think that just because they've penetrated a woman, she must be in love and have special feelings, and hold him in high regard.

I can tell you from my experience that sex can mean something to a woman but it can just as easily mean absolutely nothing.

It hurts a lot of guys feelings when they find this out.  Because now they realize that there is more work to be done and they're not going to be home by dinner time.

This is especially true of guys who fancy themselves sexual masters.  I've done a lot of reading on sex and sexuality and I've worked on my technique and women love it.  It's fantastic for them, BUT...

Improving my sexual technique has not meant that I'm suddenly able to control women or that my relationships have significantly improved(though we do have more fun).

In fact, I think that when the sex is really good the first time, women put their emotional defences on full alert because they often don't want a "sport fuck" to turn into anything more.

I'm under-exagerating the power of sex a bit but only because I need to compensate for how society has put it on some higher spiritual plane of existence.  It can be like that, but she has to be willing.

And many(most?) women aren't open to that for a variety of reasons, many(most?) of which have absolutely nothing at all to do with you.

Watch Sex and the City.  Women love that show because they identify with the characters so well.  Sure, the four girls are caricatures, but that just serves to make it much easier for you to learn from it. 

So the main take-away is that sex is sex.  Relationships are relationships.  They are intertwined and are also mutually exclusive, so don't get them confused or you will end up very, very disappointed.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #5: "You're a Playboy!"

When a woman asks you if or accuses you of being a playboy this is a shit test.

She's testing to see how you respond and whether you will become uncomfortable and/or obviously lie to her by pleading with her to believe that you're not.

You see, by accusing you of being a playboy this gives her an easy way to eliminate you. "I can't date that guy, he's a playboy".

So how do you handle this? There are a few ways. One of the ultimate ways to pass this kind of shit test when a girl accuses you of being something is to say:

What do you like about _______ so much?

-OR-

What turns you on so much about ______?

For example:

Her: You're a playboy
You: What do you like about playboys so much?

Her: You're short.
You: What turns you on about short men so much?

Another way to handle it is to tell her straight:

Look, I just met you and already you're trying to marry me. Relax, are you always so uptight?

In the above example, you reframe the whole situation as her being uptight, but you could also imply that she has some ulterior(and less than noble) motive.

Her: What's your job?
You: Oh...you're one of those girls who's only into guys for their money.

If you're dating several girls and she accuses you of having a girlfriend, asks if you have a girlfriend or asks you HOW MANY girlfriends you have:

Her: You have a girlfriend, don't you?
You: I have 3(or however many) girlfriends, but I'm looking for number 4. I think you could be number 4.
Her: I don't want to be number 4(or I want to be number 1)
You: We'll maybe you can be number 3. Can you cook?

Do this only if she's shit testing you. If she's just asking an honest question and you don't have a girlfriend say no, but remember that most people consider any girl you're sleeping with to be your girlfriend so it often makes it EASIER if you call them your girlfriends.

Remember that all of these must be delivered in a fun way.  Mock seriousness, for exmaple, works well.

CNNGo.com Interviewed Me Too!

(Click to Read the Full Interview)

Groove Korea Presents...PickUp Asia!

BlueMystery and I were interviewed last month for Korea's biggest ex-pat magazine.  Check it out:

(Click to Zoom In)

Why Kino is Important?

When it comes to Kino there are three rules to go by:
Early, Often, and Everyone.

1. Early

This is one of the biggest mistakes guys make when it comes to kino. The longer you wait to initiate kino the bigger leap it seems to be. Start your escalation from the open if possible and soon after if not.

The sooner you start touching her, the sooner she can begin to become comfortable with your touch.

And if you've ever been thrown into the "friend zone" before, kino will mean it never happens again.

Click to read more ...