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Entries in PickUp (8)

Saturday
06Mar2010

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #6: The Basics of Compliance

Whenever you request someone do something, they decide whether they value you and your relationship enough to go out of their way to do it.

It's generally a two way street in that the more compliance someone gives you, the more you're likely to give them and vice-versa. This is why we'd go much more out of our way for friends and family than we would for co-workers. 

At the same time you must recognize that different people have different compliance ladders(which is one reason that looking out for Indicators of Interest is a losers game, but more on that another time).

People considered to be "nice" will give you lots of compliance easily while for people who are "mean", even a small level of compliance is a huge leap.

You can do things during the Day1 to help build compliance and generally you should be building compliance throughout the sarge and throughout the relationship.

Even a little thing like asking a girl's name is requesting compliance. You ask for her name, she can choose to give it to you. She can choose to give you a bullshit answer or she could choose to ignore you.

Her giving you a bullshit answer is a higher level of compliance than her ignoring you and is infinitely easier to work with.  This is why if you talk to a girl for 20-30 minutes the chances of her showing up for a Day2 are significantly higher than if you only talk to her for 5 minutes--her spending time interacting with you is compliance.

So if you want to get girls to meet you for a Day2 you MUST concentrate on building a lot of compliance on the Day1.

 

Wednesday
03Feb2010

Are You Motivationally Challenged?

When something is scarce the price of it goes up. And price, is shorthand for "the amount of work and effort people are willing to put in to acquire something".

Now here's the odd thing about how this works.

A few months back, I was in Hyehwa, an area in Seoul known for stage performances like dance, plays and musicals, with BlueMystery, and two Korean guys--Joker and L. Because this is an artsy area there are lots of people, especially women strolling around.

Tons of coffee shops line the streets too.

(Coffee shops are ubiquitous around college campuses here in Korea. I suppose because people don't want to study in the library?)

Anyway, the 4 of us are roaming the streets, checking out some of the street performances and hoping we'll run into some interesting girls.

There are tons of different areas with different vibes and atmospheres you can go to in Seoul, and though Gangnam is much maligned for being uppity and snooty, no one can deny that when it comes to looks(though it's often surgically assisted), the women are top notch.

The reality is, is that finding amazing women is tough. It's a needle in the hay stack kind of thing. You can meet some fantastic women along the way and have some serious good times with the less than perfect women though--I'm all for that.

So when I was in Hyehwa I gradually found myself thinking things like, "Maybe I should go and talk to that girl...she does have a nice smile."

In my world, this is a flashing Chinese bicycle cop siren.

Because I know that if I were in Gangnam, I wouldn't be thinking any maybes. I wouldn't be using a nice smile as a reason to open. The way it should work is that you see a woman and it's like getting sucked into an approach vortex of glory.

Let's talk about motivation for a minute here.

I used to think I was the laziest guy there ever was. My father used to talk to my mother about how it was impossible to get me to do more than just the bare minimum to get by, and my mother would always respond by saying, "At least we don't have to worry about him dying of a hear attack, dear."

One year in 9th grade, I turned in a research paper on the poet Stevie Smith for my literature class over a month late! Another time, I had to hand deliver a paper to my teacher's house in Philidelphia, 1.5 hours away from where I was in Washington, DC because I didn't finish it on time to give it to her before she left and if I mailed it, it would have gotten there after she was already back in DC.

So here I am this lazy guy, who used to only work about 20-30 hours per month when I started PickUp Asia. Then I started thinking that I'm working awfully hard for a lazy guy.

And then it finally hit me.

All our lives we're trained to believe that we should be able to motivate ourselves to do things that we really don't want to do and have absolutely no interest in doing. Things like homework, and chores, and piano practice(unless of course you like piano practice).

And it messes us up in the head because we lose the ability to recognize real motivation, which is everything that you actually do do in life that is not on autopilot(ie like zipping your pants zipper is on autopilot, or SHOULD be).

So there I am in Hyewha, surrounded by women who I'm trying to be motivated to approach by looking at their best qualities(as seen from afar) and I contrast that with being in Gangnam where there's the constant tractor beam effect of true motivation.

So as I was saying...a lot of guys don't like to go to a place like Gangnam. The women there grade hard, but for me as exciting as the actual achievement of success is(however you define success), the pursuit of it alone is rewarding.

Especially in the world of dating and relationships because there are a lot of checkpoints along the way.



Tuesday
26Jan2010

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #5: "You're a Playboy!"

When a woman asks you if or accuses you of being a playboy this is a shit test.

She's testing to see how you respond and whether you will become uncomfortable and/or obviously lie to her by pleading with her to believe that you're not.

You see, by accusing you of being a playboy this gives her an easy way to eliminate you. "I can't date that guy, he's a playboy".

So how do you handle this? There are a few ways. One of the ultimate ways to pass this kind of shit test when a girl accuses you of being something is to say:

What do you like about _______ so much?

-OR-

What turns you on so much about ______?

For example:

Her: You're a playboy
You: What do you like about playboys so much?

Her: You're short.
You: What turns you on about short men so much?

Another way to handle it is to tell her straight:

Look, I just met you and already you're trying to marry me. Relax, are you always so uptight?

In the above example, you reframe the whole situation as her being uptight, but you could also imply that she has some ulterior(and less than noble) motive.

Her: What's your job?
You: Oh...you're one of those girls who's only into guys for their money.

If you're dating several girls and she accuses you of having a girlfriend, asks if you have a girlfriend or asks you HOW MANY girlfriends you have:

Her: You have a girlfriend, don't you?
You: I have 3(or however many) girlfriends, but I'm looking for number 4. I think you could be number 4.
Her: I don't want to be number 4(or I want to be number 1)
You: We'll maybe you can be number 3. Can you cook?

Do this only if she's shit testing you. If she's just asking an honest question and you don't have a girlfriend say no, but remember that most people consider any girl you're sleeping with to be your girlfriend so it often makes it EASIER if you call them your girlfriends.

Remember that all of these must be delivered in a fun way.  Mock seriousness, for exmaple, works well.

Friday
22Jan2010

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #4: Planning Sexcalation Locations

In scheduling a girl for Karaoke for the Day2, you are trying to go straight for a Sexcalation Location(a place where sex can happen). Unless you gamed the girl really well, on the Day 1 to the point where she actually wanted to fuck you THAT DAY without triggering Anti-Slut Defense, she's going to need more comfort before she'll be willing to be fully isolated with you in an SL.

Start somewhere public that there could be no objection to(coffee shop, shopping, a park, etc.) and THEN move her to the SL later once you've built up enough comfort.

In the same way that women bring their friends for protection from doing what they want to do, but think they shouldn't women's ASD will be triggered if you set things up clumsily. Remember that it has to "just happen". If she agrees to go with you straight to a karaoke booth and the illusion of it "just happening" cannot be maintained.

Lead her to the sexcalation location after you've disengaged her critical factor(more on that later).

Monday
04Jan2010

Leading Women - Pace, Then Lead 

This has been said in a lot of different ways. Most famously perhaps in Steven Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit 4 is, "first seek to understand then to be understood". We're taking the same principle and applying it to leading. See, before you can lead a person out of the forest, you've got to go find them in the forest.

If you're not there, they can't follow you--simple as that. So go to them first. This means that there are constraints on how you lead people. There is a pacing to it. You can only move as fast as they can follow. Leading is like herding animals in that you can't make sudden changes in direction. It's more of subtle influence on the existing direction and momentum.

If you do this right with the correct foresight, you will see that you can ultimately lead people anywhere. For good or for evil. In both cases it is subtle influence exerted consistently over time. Many men ignore where the woman is. They ignore what she's communicating about what makes her comfortable and uncomfortable.

And this is key because one of the factors that makes people want to follow you more is your track record of leading them to a better world, and a better life. This is credibility and it takes time and consistent positive results.

I know many men, who think that a woman is supposed to conform to what they want and do what they want--they believe that this is "Alpha" behavior when real alpha behavior is leading a woman down a path that she is uncertain about but is willing to go down because she trusts you, only to find herself EXACTLY where she wanted to be quicker and easier than she could have arrived on her own.



Sunday
22Nov2009

Awakening the Man Within: Seoul

Wow!  I got to spend this past weekend teaching 8 really great guys the best stuff I know about changing mindsets and self-motivation.  Fantastic.

What was really cool about it was that one of the guys was even able to use what I taught him on Saturday to score with a girl that same evening after he left the seminar--how cool is that?

We'll be holding another one on December 5th and 6th.  Be there!

RedpoleQ and BlueM are beyond the slightest doubt the most knowledgeable and resourceful PUAs in Korea. I have had the privilege to observe and learn from them in the field and in the classroom. They are both accomplished human beings and compassionate teachers, just the kind of guys you want to hang around and learn from in this adventure called life, no matter at which stage you may be.

The "Awakening the Man Within Seminar" was fucking awesome! It felt like a refreshing cascade of profound wisdom pouring over you, flowing into your head, redesigning your mind, and revitalizing your body. An invaluable opportunity to take a good look at yourself, a lightning of fire striking at the innermost core of what you think you are, an uncompromising and relentless urge to change your beliefs and the way you perceive yourself and the outer world... this eye-opening seminar impacted each and every guy who attended it in a special and indelible way.

dilated_guy (35) in Seoul

Thursday
19Nov2009

KMOGed

Last week I'm out in Seoul with eNeRGy, LatinStylez and a bunch of other people.  We hit an Izakaya(a Japanese style bar) and head to a back room to hook up with another group of people.

We quickly dtermine that there's no one in the group we're keen on.  On the way in though, I spotted a pretty decent 2-set by the door so I tell eNeRGy that I'll go open it and if I'm not back in a few minutes to come join me.

I open this set, and it's a bit rough...

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
11Nov2009

CNNGo.com Interviewed Me Too!

(Click to Read the Full Interview)