Why Great Dates Can Get You Nowhere with Women

I recently read a very interesting book called, Spin Selling, which talks about some of the differences between sales with a short cycle(the buyer makes the decision then and there) vs. long cycle(where the buyer will go through several steps before making a buying decision).

There were several differences that are applicable to dating, and one of the ones that struck me most powerfully is that most of the selling process takes place when the salesman IS NOT there!

Think of the car buyer.  He decides he wants a new car.  He's seen some cool cars around, he's talked to some friends and family about it; he looked on the internet.  Then he goes to the dealership.  He talks it over, asking about features availability, pricing and financing.

Then he goes back home to think about it some more.  Do some more research on the internet and talk it over more with his friends and family, to get their input and feedback.  Perhaps he goes to a few different dealerships.

So as you can see, the time that he spends with any one salesman is quite small compared to the total time he spends in the buying process.  Buying a car, is a public experience.  He doesn't want everyone he knows to see him pay too much for a shit car.  He doesn't want to be the laughing stock of the office.

And dating is a lot like this too.  Sure, the time when you are in front of the girl is important, but what's even more important is what she's thinking about you and the conversations she's having with her friends about you when you're not there.

People make decisions based on emotions, but it is your job to also provide enough reasons for her to have logical explanations and rationalizations why being with you is an awesome decision.

Imagine this scenario...girl has a date, and right after she calls up her friend to tell her about the great time she had.  The friend says, "Tell me about him, what does he do?"  And she answers, "He's cute and he's a successful lawyer," and BOOM instant value is projected onto him by her friend and she gets validation for snagging a catch.

The label, "successful lawyer" is short hand for all sorts of positive qualities that imply that this guy is a great mate even though he may actually be a heartless ass.  But she can pride herself on having made a good choice.

In fact if she marries this guy and then things don't go so well, instead of everyone standing around saying, "I told you so," they'll be standing around, wondering how this could have happened--taking the responsability away from her so she becomes the helpless victim of chance.

So, while good exciting dates are important, what's even more important is building your value in ways that when you're not right there in front of her she has positive ammunition to justify to herself and others why being with you and continuing to see you is a good idea.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #6: The Basics of Compliance

Whenever you request someone do something, they decide whether they value you and your relationship enough to go out of their way to do it.

It's generally a two way street in that the more compliance someone gives you, the more you're likely to give them and vice-versa. This is why we'd go much more out of our way for friends and family than we would for co-workers. 

At the same time you must recognize that different people have different compliance ladders(which is one reason that looking out for Indicators of Interest is a losers game, but more on that another time).

People considered to be "nice" will give you lots of compliance easily while for people who are "mean", even a small level of compliance is a huge leap.

You can do things during the Day1 to help build compliance and generally you should be building compliance throughout the sarge and throughout the relationship.

Even a little thing like asking a girl's name is requesting compliance. You ask for her name, she can choose to give it to you. She can choose to give you a bullshit answer or she could choose to ignore you.

Her giving you a bullshit answer is a higher level of compliance than her ignoring you and is infinitely easier to work with.  This is why if you talk to a girl for 20-30 minutes the chances of her showing up for a Day2 are significantly higher than if you only talk to her for 5 minutes--her spending time interacting with you is compliance.

So if you want to get girls to meet you for a Day2 you MUST concentrate on building a lot of compliance on the Day1.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #4: Planning Sexcalation Locations

In scheduling a girl for Karaoke for the Day2, you are trying to go straight for a Sexcalation Location(a place where sex can happen). Unless you gamed the girl really well, on the Day 1 to the point where she actually wanted to fuck you THAT DAY without triggering Anti-Slut Defense, she's going to need more comfort before she'll be willing to be fully isolated with you in an SL.

Start somewhere public that there could be no objection to(coffee shop, shopping, a park, etc.) and THEN move her to the SL later once you've built up enough comfort.

In the same way that women bring their friends for protection from doing what they want to do, but think they shouldn't women's ASD will be triggered if you set things up clumsily. Remember that it has to "just happen". If she agrees to go with you straight to a karaoke booth and the illusion of it "just happening" cannot be maintained.

Lead her to the sexcalation location after you've disengaged her critical factor(more on that later).

KMOGed

Last week I'm out in Seoul with eNeRGy, LatinStylez and a bunch of other people.  We hit an Izakaya(a Japanese style bar) and head to a back room to hook up with another group of people.

We quickly dtermine that there's no one in the group we're keen on.  On the way in though, I spotted a pretty decent 2-set by the door so I tell eNeRGy that I'll go open it and if I'm not back in a few minutes to come join me.

I open this set, and it's a bit rough...

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Following Up with Phone and E-mail

A lot of people make this more complex than it actually is. Phone game and e-mail game aren't that important if you do everything right the FIRST TIME, on the Day1 in the initial pick-up. You should remember that if you don't do things right the first time, you're really handicapping yourself when you run phone and e-mail game.

It's really difficult to give general guidlines for phone and e-mail game because it all depends on where you are in the sarge...

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Using Compliance to Prevent Flaking

If girls are flaking on you, you haven't likely developed that level of compliance from the girl yet.

Whenever you request someone do something, they decide whether they value you and your relationship enough to go out of their way to do it.  It's generally a two way street in that the more compliance someone gives you, the more you're likely to give them. This is why we'd go much more out of our way for friends and family than we would for co-workers but at the same time we recognize that different people have different compliance ladders...

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Flakey Girls - 3 Things You Can Do To Minimize the Damage

Last night I did a tele-seminar with a few guys in Shanghai.  They've been having trouble dealing with flakes and wanted to know what to do about it.

I totally understand.  Flakes are a way of life in cold approach.

For those of you who don't know, cold approach involved approaching women with no known connection to you.  Then there are various degrees of warm approach, like an introduction to a friend, or a house party, or if you're in the same class, or go to the same University(more on this in a future post).

In any case, cold approach is the most challenging because the annonymity means that:

• Women feel justified in being rude to you--after all you are a stranger

AND

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