Want to Get Better With Women? There AreTwo Simple Ways to Put the Odds in Your Favor

There is so much information out there about meeting women and dating.  There's complete stories for you to repeat, games you can play, concepts to master, etc.

BUT, it really comes down to two things, and everything about picking up and dating women is at essence about these two things.  When you know and understand what these two things are, you can improve your success rate much more easily than most guys can.

Most guys who are learning this stuff want to know EVERYTHING.  In fact you're probably reading this because you're a logical guy who wants to know how to get from point A to point D and doesn't want to step out the door until you have full color map with all the detours highlighted in yellow so that you'll be ready for any and every contingency.

Unfortunately, what that means is that you're still sitting at home rather than having a great time with the ladies.  Whatever your level of skill with women is now, you can have more success just based on simple math.

Here it is, the first thing you need to do to improve your success with women:

1) Increase the total number of interactions you have with women

What a relief, right?  Because what it means, is that whatever your level of skill is with women right now, there are some that you could have success with.  Trust me on this.

Even the lamest of the lame guys get laid occasionally.  So you have to get out there and meet more women.  If you do that and nothing else, you will have more success--more phone numbers, more dates, and more sex.  You can't not--it's simple math.

And now the second thing:

2) Increase the effectiveness of each interaction

I'm talking about increasing those percentages, so that instead of 100 interactions to get 1 number, you only need 50 to get 1, and then 20 to get 1.  I'm talking about improving so that instead of 50 phone numbers to get one date, you only need 30, or only 10.

And most deliciously of all, going from needing to go on dates with 30 women to have sex with 1, you can reduce that number to 10 or even 5. I bet that would make dating a lot more exciting for you, wouldn't it?

You need a two pronged attack. 

When my father was a kid, he used to tell my grandmother that he was worried about becoming perfect.  Her answer, "No danger".

Instead of worrying about being perfect, go out there and put those numbers in your favor.  Because you can have more success if you change nothing at all about yourself, and with even small improvements you can make that success come faster.

Do Women Really Want Adventure?

First, the definition(taken from dictionary.com)

----
Adventure:
–noun

1. an exciting or very unusual experience.

2. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises: the spirit of adventure.

3. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome.

4. a commercial or financial speculation of any kind; venture.
----

Common wisdom is that everyone and especially women like adventure but as with most common wisdom, while it's not quite wrong, it's far from entirely right.

So, last time I was in Seoul again, I found myself once AGAIN looking for a new girl.  With my rather unconventional lifestyle and frequent travel, it's worked out that every time I've gotten a girl here, the relationship hasn't continued when I've returned.

This is frustratingly annoying to say the least.  There are some guys that are always out for novelty and the thrill of the hunt, but that's not my bag.  As a friend of mine said, "I don't like to hunt 'em, I like to farm 'em!"

While I've been here I've had a chance to chill out, read, exercise and muse over things while living with eNeRGy, and BlueM and Vision just upstairs.  That means I get a constant stream of data about the pickup and dating scene here and of course a broad range of guys coming at it from different angles.

And while I was walking down to get some food from the local "Kimbap Heaven" restaurant, I had a realization about the nature of adventure and what it means when it comes to dating and relationships.

We make a big mistake when we assume that more is better.  So if you take a guy who enjoys his typical 9-5 job and is gradually working his way up the corporate ladder and enjoys rock climbing on weekends, that's pretty cool.  No doubt about that.

But it begs the question, of whether the guy who sold his company for tens of millions of dollars and now spends his time traveling the world living where he wants to live when he wants to live there, is better. 

This second guy is definitely more exciting and adventurous but he's beyond the comfort zone of most women.  Even though they may be very interested and think it's a extremely cool lifestyle, that's a far cry from actually being with him.

The vast majority of women would go with guy number 1 any day of the week over guy number 2. 

And the reason is that guy number 2 is a big risk.  She has to leave her regular work-a-day lifestyle, quit her job, give up her career so she can have no idea where she'll be or what she'll be doing 6 months from now.

And that is more pressure than most women can bear--especially asian women.

I was thinking about this recently because I'm here in Phuket, Thailand which is a developing country at best and even here, women are not rushing to marry a foreigner and run off to Europe or America.  They want to stay here where it's comfortable.

I was talking to a long term resident here and he said that most guys think they'll come over here, find a "nice" woman and take her bag, but more often than not, when he sends that money over for a plane ticket instead of buying a ticket she gets herself some new clothes and gold for her mom.

That explains a lot, but now you're wondering how you can use this information and I'll cover that in another post.

Quick Tips for Meeting Women #7: Club Game

In the boot camp you're doing approach, after approach, after approach. That has the specific purpose of developing the skills of opening and running a set.

However, that's usually not the ideal way to actually sarge a club. The ideal way, is to meet and mingle.

That means bouncing among sets, starting with the easiest opens, while keeping your eyes out for the one or two or three girls that you're really keen on.

In practice that means that you're running attraction with the girls, kinoing playfully, and just having fun and laughing. No isolation. Maybe a bit of qualification, but not enough for them to think that you're actually interested in them. You can start sexualizing early in this case(sexually qualifying her), since you're not actually interested which makes you fun and sexy.

Also, even though the girl isn't someone you'd want to be with seriously, she may be down to fuck you either that night or another time because she can tell from the way that you interact with her that you will deliver the goods.

The main thing is to eject from sets earlier rather than pushing them because you want to make sure you don't get blown out by any of the sets that you're really just using as warm-up and social proofing. Eject after BT Spikes, and then come back later while you're waiting it out.

Almost invariably, there will come a time in the night where it will be easy to open the sets you were targeting. It will be right there, begging to be opened(meaning that you'd be an idiot not to open in that situation).

Then that's when you unleash the full power of your game.

Turn a Full Close into an LTR

For girls you've already f-closed there are a few things you can do.

Firstly, set up a time-bridge before you go for the f-close, or at least set up a tentative time-bridge.

Secondly, follow the "3 in 10" rule. This means that once you've f-closed a girl, fuck her 2 more times within 10 days with at least 1 day in-between. So, you f-close her on Saturday night, make sure you close her two more times by the following Monday. This is well field tested...

Thirdly, be sure to give them validation. Initially, women are in the moment and enjoying the ride while you sweep them off their feet, however after the f-close they begin to think, "What does this mean, where is this relationship going?" etc. As guys we tend to assume they they know we like them, but the reality is that once you've f-closed them, they feel like they've played their last card.

So, you have to continue to qualify them, especially SOIs, and force framing so they feel that even though they gave it up to you, you still value them for them. Also, continue to use future projection to weave the two of you into a life together in the future.

Don't worry about falling into the boyfriend/girlfriend frame, because you've already framed that you date multiple women AND you won't be showing needy behavior AND will stay away from developing patterns and routines with her.

When I first started implimenting the 3 in 10 I noticed that some girls would blow out after the 2nd time, or sometimes after the first.  I also realized that sometimes because of my travel schedule I was unable to complete the 3 in 10 and this lead me to realize that it is an indicator rather than a technique to make the LTR happen.

So going for it will give you a good indication where things stand, but it's not necessary to make sure that your successful close turns into a continuing thing.

Why Great Dates Can Get You Nowhere with Women

I recently read a very interesting book called, Spin Selling, which talks about some of the differences between sales with a short cycle(the buyer makes the decision then and there) vs. long cycle(where the buyer will go through several steps before making a buying decision).

There were several differences that are applicable to dating, and one of the ones that struck me most powerfully is that most of the selling process takes place when the salesman IS NOT there!

Think of the car buyer.  He decides he wants a new car.  He's seen some cool cars around, he's talked to some friends and family about it; he looked on the internet.  Then he goes to the dealership.  He talks it over, asking about features availability, pricing and financing.

Then he goes back home to think about it some more.  Do some more research on the internet and talk it over more with his friends and family, to get their input and feedback.  Perhaps he goes to a few different dealerships.

So as you can see, the time that he spends with any one salesman is quite small compared to the total time he spends in the buying process.  Buying a car, is a public experience.  He doesn't want everyone he knows to see him pay too much for a shit car.  He doesn't want to be the laughing stock of the office.

And dating is a lot like this too.  Sure, the time when you are in front of the girl is important, but what's even more important is what she's thinking about you and the conversations she's having with her friends about you when you're not there.

People make decisions based on emotions, but it is your job to also provide enough reasons for her to have logical explanations and rationalizations why being with you is an awesome decision.

Imagine this scenario...girl has a date, and right after she calls up her friend to tell her about the great time she had.  The friend says, "Tell me about him, what does he do?"  And she answers, "He's cute and he's a successful lawyer," and BOOM instant value is projected onto him by her friend and she gets validation for snagging a catch.

The label, "successful lawyer" is short hand for all sorts of positive qualities that imply that this guy is a great mate even though he may actually be a heartless ass.  But she can pride herself on having made a good choice.

In fact if she marries this guy and then things don't go so well, instead of everyone standing around saying, "I told you so," they'll be standing around, wondering how this could have happened--taking the responsability away from her so she becomes the helpless victim of chance.

So, while good exciting dates are important, what's even more important is building your value in ways that when you're not right there in front of her she has positive ammunition to justify to herself and others why being with you and continuing to see you is a good idea.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #6: The Basics of Compliance

Whenever you request someone do something, they decide whether they value you and your relationship enough to go out of their way to do it.

It's generally a two way street in that the more compliance someone gives you, the more you're likely to give them and vice-versa. This is why we'd go much more out of our way for friends and family than we would for co-workers. 

At the same time you must recognize that different people have different compliance ladders(which is one reason that looking out for Indicators of Interest is a losers game, but more on that another time).

People considered to be "nice" will give you lots of compliance easily while for people who are "mean", even a small level of compliance is a huge leap.

You can do things during the Day1 to help build compliance and generally you should be building compliance throughout the sarge and throughout the relationship.

Even a little thing like asking a girl's name is requesting compliance. You ask for her name, she can choose to give it to you. She can choose to give you a bullshit answer or she could choose to ignore you.

Her giving you a bullshit answer is a higher level of compliance than her ignoring you and is infinitely easier to work with.  This is why if you talk to a girl for 20-30 minutes the chances of her showing up for a Day2 are significantly higher than if you only talk to her for 5 minutes--her spending time interacting with you is compliance.

So if you want to get girls to meet you for a Day2 you MUST concentrate on building a lot of compliance on the Day1.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #5: "You're a Playboy!"

When a woman asks you if or accuses you of being a playboy this is a shit test.

She's testing to see how you respond and whether you will become uncomfortable and/or obviously lie to her by pleading with her to believe that you're not.

You see, by accusing you of being a playboy this gives her an easy way to eliminate you. "I can't date that guy, he's a playboy".

So how do you handle this? There are a few ways. One of the ultimate ways to pass this kind of shit test when a girl accuses you of being something is to say:

What do you like about _______ so much?

-OR-

What turns you on so much about ______?

For example:

Her: You're a playboy
You: What do you like about playboys so much?

Her: You're short.
You: What turns you on about short men so much?

Another way to handle it is to tell her straight:

Look, I just met you and already you're trying to marry me. Relax, are you always so uptight?

In the above example, you reframe the whole situation as her being uptight, but you could also imply that she has some ulterior(and less than noble) motive.

Her: What's your job?
You: Oh...you're one of those girls who's only into guys for their money.

If you're dating several girls and she accuses you of having a girlfriend, asks if you have a girlfriend or asks you HOW MANY girlfriends you have:

Her: You have a girlfriend, don't you?
You: I have 3(or however many) girlfriends, but I'm looking for number 4. I think you could be number 4.
Her: I don't want to be number 4(or I want to be number 1)
You: We'll maybe you can be number 3. Can you cook?

Do this only if she's shit testing you. If she's just asking an honest question and you don't have a girlfriend say no, but remember that most people consider any girl you're sleeping with to be your girlfriend so it often makes it EASIER if you call them your girlfriends.

Remember that all of these must be delivered in a fun way.  Mock seriousness, for exmaple, works well.

Quick Tip for Meeting Women #4: Planning Sexcalation Locations

In scheduling a girl for Karaoke for the Day2, you are trying to go straight for a Sexcalation Location(a place where sex can happen). Unless you gamed the girl really well, on the Day 1 to the point where she actually wanted to fuck you THAT DAY without triggering Anti-Slut Defense, she's going to need more comfort before she'll be willing to be fully isolated with you in an SL.

Start somewhere public that there could be no objection to(coffee shop, shopping, a park, etc.) and THEN move her to the SL later once you've built up enough comfort.

In the same way that women bring their friends for protection from doing what they want to do, but think they shouldn't women's ASD will be triggered if you set things up clumsily. Remember that it has to "just happen". If she agrees to go with you straight to a karaoke booth and the illusion of it "just happening" cannot be maintained.

Lead her to the sexcalation location after you've disengaged her critical factor(more on that later).

Phase Shifting in Qualification: Quick Tip For Meeting Women #3

During qualification you should be phase-shifting and gradually increase the intensity of the phase-shift as she qualifies herself more and more.

Part of helping bring her into being more phase-shifted along with you is that you include EMOTIONAL elements into the qualification. Ask her if she's adventurous. When she gives an example of a time she was, bring out something you want the two of you two do together...

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Get Blown or Blown Out!

Don't BE Samson - LEARN from SamsonOne-itis(noun):

1. the fixation by a guy (usually) on one girl, who he imbues with positive qualities(that she may not possess) or whose positive qualities are imbued with such value that all negative qualities are overlooked and/or rationalized away to the point that she seems to be totally irreplaceable as a potential partner for sex, dating, a relationship, marriage or all of the above.

2. a woman who a guy has one-itis for

3. (adjective) the state of having one-itis

One-itis is one of the most destructive forces known to man.  Think Samson and Delilah.  Think Bathsheba and King David.  Think Cleopatra and Marc Antony.  No matter how you look at it, the heedless chase for a particular woman has dealt a deadly blow to many a man...

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