Want to Get Better With Women? There AreTwo Simple Ways to Put the Odds in Your Favor

There is so much information out there about meeting women and dating.  There's complete stories for you to repeat, games you can play, concepts to master, etc.

BUT, it really comes down to two things, and everything about picking up and dating women is at essence about these two things.  When you know and understand what these two things are, you can improve your success rate much more easily than most guys can.

Most guys who are learning this stuff want to know EVERYTHING.  In fact you're probably reading this because you're a logical guy who wants to know how to get from point A to point D and doesn't want to step out the door until you have full color map with all the detours highlighted in yellow so that you'll be ready for any and every contingency.

Unfortunately, what that means is that you're still sitting at home rather than having a great time with the ladies.  Whatever your level of skill with women is now, you can have more success just based on simple math.

Here it is, the first thing you need to do to improve your success with women:

1) Increase the total number of interactions you have with women

What a relief, right?  Because what it means, is that whatever your level of skill is with women right now, there are some that you could have success with.  Trust me on this.

Even the lamest of the lame guys get laid occasionally.  So you have to get out there and meet more women.  If you do that and nothing else, you will have more success--more phone numbers, more dates, and more sex.  You can't not--it's simple math.

And now the second thing:

2) Increase the effectiveness of each interaction

I'm talking about increasing those percentages, so that instead of 100 interactions to get 1 number, you only need 50 to get 1, and then 20 to get 1.  I'm talking about improving so that instead of 50 phone numbers to get one date, you only need 30, or only 10.

And most deliciously of all, going from needing to go on dates with 30 women to have sex with 1, you can reduce that number to 10 or even 5. I bet that would make dating a lot more exciting for you, wouldn't it?

You need a two pronged attack. 

When my father was a kid, he used to tell my grandmother that he was worried about becoming perfect.  Her answer, "No danger".

Instead of worrying about being perfect, go out there and put those numbers in your favor.  Because you can have more success if you change nothing at all about yourself, and with even small improvements you can make that success come faster.

The Fear You Must Overcome

Fear and anxiety holds more men back from having the kinds of relationships with women than anything else.  Just recently, I was reading an article from Kevin Hogan, where he used a metaphor for making progress towards goals that struck me as particularly useful when looking at pickup and approach anxiety.

Consider this: you're standing before the closed door of a very large room. Let's suppose that you happen to know there's a cash reward waiting for you if you open this door, walk across the room, and claim your reward. Simple, right? But there's a problem: the room is pitch black, so dark that you can't even see your hand in front of your face. Since you've never been in this room before, you have no idea what the interior of the room looks like.

Okay, let's switch out cash reward and switch in the woman of your dreams.

Maybe it's a completely empty room that you could simply walk across and collect your reward. But on the other hand, your imagination creates other interesting scenarios like....could there could be broken glass on the floor, objects in the way that you'll trip over, and things hanging from the ceiling that you'll bump your head into...or WORSE! For all you know there could be ANYTHING! You just don't KNOW. It's unfamiliar and uncomfortable and even though there is no reason to believe so, it's scary.

In pickup this is stuff like: "She'll probably slap me"; "I bet she has a big burly boyfriend who's going to punch me out"; "she's probably a bitch"; "She's out of my league"; "She only likes tall guys, rich guys, etc..."

Take a moment and write your own down...at least 10 excuses your mind conjures up to keep you from stepping into that "dark room"(you'll need that list later).

KEYPOINT: Fear is not a conscious decision.

KEYPOINT: Only a conscious decision can cause you to overcome fear.

This is why discipline, will power and a good support network come in handy. Because even after you've made a decision, you still have to DO SOMETHING!

So you start to think and wonder...

And that's the problem - you simply don't know. You have no idea if navigating the room is a walk in the park and the easiest money you'll ever make...or if it's something that will threaten your life, injure you, or frighten you.

Of course, if you have a lot of experience going into "dark rooms" you do have some idea of what kinds of problems could lurk there--but more on that later.

So what happens? You think about the size of the reward, and then you play that against the dangers that possibly await you. Is it a big enough reward for you to take a risk? Or since the unknown is frightening, do you waive your right to the reward by playing it safe?

Yup, you have to weigh risk vs. rewards. For some guys this means that when they start out, they can approach the top shelf girls because they see the potential reward as far outpacing the risk.

For other guys this means sticking with 6s and 7s because they see the risk as being low enough that they can handle it. Which one of these guys are you?

Sometimes you and I resist change and a possible reward because we don't know what it will take to reach that reward. The familiar (staying in the well-lit room) is safe. We may not get the reward...but neither do we have to take any risks. No risks usually means no disasters based on experience (even though there could be a disaster waiting to enter the well lit room that your mind doesn't consider!!)

This is super key. What are the risks of inaction. Believe me, staying where you are is not as safe as it looks. So take a long hard think about where you'll be a year, or 2 or 5 years from now if you sit still?

The more frightening it is for you to imagine being alone next Valentines day or that you'll want to hide the Valentine's day pictures from your friends!--the more frightening the prospect of showing up at the next family gathering as the only one with no love life to speak of; the more frightening the realization that maybe you won't EVER find a woman and have kids of your own and that if you do "settle" for what is likely to fall into your lap you'll end up as miserable as your friends, the more likely you are to take action--to decide to overcome that fear.

But here's the tough part. You've decided to overcome your fear, but now what? How do you get up the nads to actually start taking that positive action?

Take out that list of 10+ excuses your mind conjures up for not approaching that girl, or not following up on that phone number to try and set up a date. Dig down as deep as you can inside yourself to find those reasons that make your stomach clench up.

Humans are clever creatures and you have your ego saving rationalizations that really do make sense. What we need to get at is those emotional reasons are what really keeps you from moving forward. Now think about the real possibility of those things happening.

Do you honestly know anyone PERSONALLY who's had that experience?

(This is why veterans have a much easier time overcoming approach anxiety than newbies. They have a much better sense of how low the risks are.)

Secondly, what are you going to do if that boogie man shows up? This is essential because when you have a contingency plan, you can truly be "set". And we all know that after "set" comes, "GO!"



Are You Motivationally Challenged?

When something is scarce the price of it goes up. And price, is shorthand for "the amount of work and effort people are willing to put in to acquire something".

Now here's the odd thing about how this works.

A few months back, I was in Hyehwa, an area in Seoul known for stage performances like dance, plays and musicals, with BlueMystery, and two Korean guys--Joker and L. Because this is an artsy area there are lots of people, especially women strolling around.

Tons of coffee shops line the streets too.

(Coffee shops are ubiquitous around college campuses here in Korea. I suppose because people don't want to study in the library?)

Anyway, the 4 of us are roaming the streets, checking out some of the street performances and hoping we'll run into some interesting girls.

There are tons of different areas with different vibes and atmospheres you can go to in Seoul, and though Gangnam is much maligned for being uppity and snooty, no one can deny that when it comes to looks(though it's often surgically assisted), the women are top notch.

The reality is, is that finding amazing women is tough. It's a needle in the hay stack kind of thing. You can meet some fantastic women along the way and have some serious good times with the less than perfect women though--I'm all for that.

So when I was in Hyehwa I gradually found myself thinking things like, "Maybe I should go and talk to that girl...she does have a nice smile."

In my world, this is a flashing Chinese bicycle cop siren.

Because I know that if I were in Gangnam, I wouldn't be thinking any maybes. I wouldn't be using a nice smile as a reason to open. The way it should work is that you see a woman and it's like getting sucked into an approach vortex of glory.

Let's talk about motivation for a minute here.

I used to think I was the laziest guy there ever was. My father used to talk to my mother about how it was impossible to get me to do more than just the bare minimum to get by, and my mother would always respond by saying, "At least we don't have to worry about him dying of a hear attack, dear."

One year in 9th grade, I turned in a research paper on the poet Stevie Smith for my literature class over a month late! Another time, I had to hand deliver a paper to my teacher's house in Philidelphia, 1.5 hours away from where I was in Washington, DC because I didn't finish it on time to give it to her before she left and if I mailed it, it would have gotten there after she was already back in DC.

So here I am this lazy guy, who used to only work about 20-30 hours per month when I started PickUp Asia. Then I started thinking that I'm working awfully hard for a lazy guy.

And then it finally hit me.

All our lives we're trained to believe that we should be able to motivate ourselves to do things that we really don't want to do and have absolutely no interest in doing. Things like homework, and chores, and piano practice(unless of course you like piano practice).

And it messes us up in the head because we lose the ability to recognize real motivation, which is everything that you actually do do in life that is not on autopilot(ie like zipping your pants zipper is on autopilot, or SHOULD be).

So there I am in Hyewha, surrounded by women who I'm trying to be motivated to approach by looking at their best qualities(as seen from afar) and I contrast that with being in Gangnam where there's the constant tractor beam effect of true motivation.

So as I was saying...a lot of guys don't like to go to a place like Gangnam. The women there grade hard, but for me as exciting as the actual achievement of success is(however you define success), the pursuit of it alone is rewarding.

Especially in the world of dating and relationships because there are a lot of checkpoints along the way.



Party! Party! Party!

eNeRGy and I went to a rather small party at a bar in Sinsa, known as a trendy cafe area tucked away in Apkujeong, the high class center of Seoul.  It was a small venue about the size of a 2-bedroom apartment with a few dozen people--mostly women, and mostly quite attractive.

Most of the people there were there because they were invited(I was no exception as I received my invitation through facebook a few days ago).

We didn't stay for long, about an hour or two and I re-remembered why I don't like these kinds of venues.  It was fun, the girls were friendly, but it didn't have the same cleanly neatness of the venues I usually like to go to.

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Flakey Girls - 3 Things You Can Do To Minimize the Damage

Last night I did a tele-seminar with a few guys in Shanghai.  They've been having trouble dealing with flakes and wanted to know what to do about it.

I totally understand.  Flakes are a way of life in cold approach.

For those of you who don't know, cold approach involved approaching women with no known connection to you.  Then there are various degrees of warm approach, like an introduction to a friend, or a house party, or if you're in the same class, or go to the same University(more on this in a future post).

In any case, cold approach is the most challenging because the annonymity means that:

• Women feel justified in being rude to you--after all you are a stranger

AND

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