They come in with the attitude that if they could just figure out how to get sex, they're problems with women and dating would totally be solved.  They usually have a few female friends that they orbit around who tell them what great guys there are, and lucky some woman would be to be with them, and maybe they've had a girlfriend or two so they figure they're pretty good at the relationship thing.

Then they learn pickup and they finally are able to get sex...but it's not leading to the relationships they wanted--in fact it leads to a lot of sex with many different girls that stalls out quickly  And then they get confused and jaded about pickup.

The mistake these guys make is thinking that sex for women is a meaningful emotional investment.

They grew up believing that women are special creatures who live in fantasy land rather than realzing that women can be just as pragmatic, practical and ruthless as men.

There's a wide spread belief that one night stands are a case of guys USING girls, when this is only the case for a small minority of guys--arguably guys who hate or think very little of women.  Guys who get into the "community" usually adore women, and see themselves as being inadequate.  And if they do harbor hatred for women it's because they've sought their approval and been denied, much like Ephialtes in the movie 300 felt about the Spartans.

A large majority of the guys who come into the "community" think that the skills they have are enough to make women swoon and that their cocks are some powerful sceptre that enslaves women in love.

I recently heard the term, "sport fucking" from a blog that I'll post up some things about later, and it means that since women in modern developed societies are pretty secure in terms of survival they don't really need to select all that carefully for the guys they sleep with.  Instead, they can "sport fuck" knowing that there are no consequences because they're on birth control, they have condoms, they can have an abortion, and even if they have the kid they can still extract cash from the man via the legal system.

So this security means that sex no longer has the serious implications that it once did.  This is good news because it makes women more open to sexual adventures.  It's bad news though because most guys still cling on to the old notions of how women operate.

They think that just because they've penetrated a woman, she must be in love and have special feelings, and hold him in high regard.

I can tell you from my experience that sex can mean something to a woman but it can just as easily mean absolutely nothing.

It hurts a lot of guys feelings when they find this out.  Because now they realize that there is more work to be done and they're not going to be home by dinner time.

This is especially true of guys who fancy themselves sexual masters.  I've done a lot of reading on sex and sexuality and I've worked on my technique and women love it.  It's fantastic for them, BUT...

Improving my sexual technique has not meant that I'm suddenly able to control women or that my relationships have significantly improved(though we do have more fun).

In fact, I think that when the sex is really good the first time, women put their emotional defences on full alert because they often don't want a "sport fuck" to turn into anything more.

I'm under-exagerating the power of sex a bit but only because I need to compensate for how society has put it on some higher spiritual plane of existence.  It can be like that, but she has to be willing.

And many(most?) women aren't open to that for a variety of reasons, many(most?) of which have absolutely nothing at all to do with you.

Watch Sex and the City.  Women love that show because they identify with the characters so well.  Sure, the four girls are caricatures, but that just serves to make it much easier for you to learn from it. 

So the main take-away is that sex is sex.  Relationships are relationships.  They are intertwined and are also mutually exclusive, so don't get them confused or you will end up very, very disappointed.

At the same time you must recognize that different people have different compliance ladders(which is one reason that looking out for Indicators of Interest is a losers game, but more on that another time).

People considered to be "nice" will give you lots of compliance easily while for people who are "mean", even a small level of compliance is a huge leap.

You can do things during the Day1 to help build compliance and generally you should be building compliance throughout the sarge and throughout the relationship.

Even a little thing like asking a girl's name is requesting compliance. You ask for her name, she can choose to give it to you. She can choose to give you a bullshit answer or she could choose to ignore you.

Her giving you a bullshit answer is a higher level of compliance than her ignoring you and is infinitely easier to work with.  This is why if you talk to a girl for 20-30 minutes the chances of her showing up for a Day2 are significantly higher than if you only talk to her for 5 minutes--her spending time interacting with you is compliance.

So if you want to get girls to meet you for a Day2 you MUST concentrate on building a lot of compliance on the Day1.

When something is scarce the price of it goes up. And price, is shorthand for "the amount of work and effort people are willing to put in to acquire something".

Now here's the odd thing about how this works.

A few months back, I was in Hyehwa, an area in Seoul known for stage performances like dance, plays and musicals, with BlueMystery, and two Korean guys--Joker and L. Because this is an artsy area there are lots of people, especially women strolling around.

Tons of coffee shops line the streets too.

(Coffee shops are ubiquitous around college campuses here in Korea. I suppose because people don't want to study in the library?)

Anyway, the 4 of us are roaming the streets, checking out some of the street performances and hoping we'll run into some interesting girls.

There are tons of different areas with different vibes and atmospheres you can go to in Seoul, and though Gangnam is much maligned for being uppity and snooty, no one can deny that when it comes to looks(though it's often surgically assisted), the women are top notch.

The reality is, is that finding amazing women is tough. It's a needle in the hay stack kind of thing. You can meet some fantastic women along the way and have some serious good times with the less than perfect women though--I'm all for that.

So when I was in Hyehwa I gradually found myself thinking things like, "Maybe I should go and talk to that girl...she does have a nice smile."

In my world, this is a flashing Chinese bicycle cop siren.

Because I know that if I were in Gangnam, I wouldn't be thinking any maybes. I wouldn't be using a nice smile as a reason to open. The way it should work is that you see a woman and it's like getting sucked into an approach vortex of glory.

Let's talk about motivation for a minute here.

I used to think I was the laziest guy there ever was. My father used to talk to my mother about how it was impossible to get me to do more than just the bare minimum to get by, and my mother would always respond by saying, "At least we don't have to worry about him dying of a hear attack, dear."

One year in 9th grade, I turned in a research paper on the poet Stevie Smith for my literature class over a month late! Another time, I had to hand deliver a paper to my teacher's house in Philidelphia, 1.5 hours away from where I was in Washington, DC because I didn't finish it on time to give it to her before she left and if I mailed it, it would have gotten there after she was already back in DC.

So here I am this lazy guy, who used to only work about 20-30 hours per month when I started PickUp Asia. Then I started thinking that I'm working awfully hard for a lazy guy.

And then it finally hit me.

All our lives we're trained to believe that we should be able to motivate ourselves to do things that we really don't want to do and have absolutely no interest in doing. Things like homework, and chores, and piano practice(unless of course you like piano practice).

And it messes us up in the head because we lose the ability to recognize real motivation, which is everything that you actually do do in life that is not on autopilot(ie like zipping your pants zipper is on autopilot, or SHOULD be).

So there I am in Hyewha, surrounded by women who I'm trying to be motivated to approach by looking at their best qualities(as seen from afar) and I contrast that with being in Gangnam where there's the constant tractor beam effect of true motivation.

So as I was saying...a lot of guys don't like to go to a place like Gangnam. The women there grade hard, but for me as exciting as the actual achievement of success is(however you define success), the pursuit of it alone is rewarding.

Especially in the world of dating and relationships because there are a lot of checkpoints along the way.



The reality is that this movie's main characters are weak individuals not because they do "bad things"(we all do) but because they're such wussies about it.  One guy is about to get married, so before that he decides to have fling with a chick.

No problem there, the guy's not married yet, right?

Except that he deludes himself into believing that he wants to end the wedding that's less than a week off and tell this chick he loves her and shit and that he wants to leave his San Diego life behind him to move out to the vineyards to live near her.  This is what makes him a loser.

The other character is even worse.  Because he even lies to his friend.  Two characters terrified of being alone.  It's actually quite sickening.  It disgusts me that this movie is such a big hit and that people can relate to it.

Two DoucheBags--I pity anyone who is friends, relatives, lovers, co-workers or in any way intertwined
with these lowlifes.

The feelings, sure.  The behavior.  Despicable. 

I'm not against lying per se, but I am against lying to people who don't have arbitrary authority over you(ie lying to government, and your parents when you're a minor is A-OK in my book).

But lying to your friends is just pretending to be someone you're not and when you do that people won't like or love you for who you REALLY are but instead for who they THINK you are.  And that's is a terrible foundation for a long lasting relationship, and whatever relationship you do have won't be fulfilling in the way it's supposed to be.

Guys, as someone who's dated multiple women simultaneously for over 7 years, I can tell you that it's much more satisfying when everyone is on the same page.  Yes, indeed, there are women who don't like it and leave.  And yes it is sad.

Mourn your losses, remember the joys and keep moving.

And Miles would never have gotten Maya back--such a weak approval seeking guy.  Enjoy approval, but understand that it is a by-product of what you do, which is a by-product of who you are.

You only get one Mom.  And if you're reading this, you're too old to be sucking at some woman's teet.

Okay, enough of my ranting for now.

Look, I just met you and already you're trying to marry me. Relax, are you always so uptight?

In the above example, you reframe the whole situation as her being uptight, but you could also imply that she has some ulterior(and less than noble) motive.

Her: What's your job?
You: Oh...you're one of those girls who's only into guys for their money.

If you're dating several girls and she accuses you of having a girlfriend, asks if you have a girlfriend or asks you HOW MANY girlfriends you have:

Her: You have a girlfriend, don't you?
You: I have 3(or however many) girlfriends, but I'm looking for number 4. I think you could be number 4.
Her: I don't want to be number 4(or I want to be number 1)
You: We'll maybe you can be number 3. Can you cook?

Do this only if she's shit testing you. If she's just asking an honest question and you don't have a girlfriend say no, but remember that most people consider any girl you're sleeping with to be your girlfriend so it often makes it EASIER if you call them your girlfriends.

Remember that all of these must be delivered in a fun way.  Mock seriousness, for exmaple, works well.

This has been said in a lot of different ways. Most famously perhaps in Steven Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit 4 is, "first seek to understand then to be understood". We're taking the same principle and applying it to leading. See, before you can lead a person out of the forest, you've got to go find them in the forest.

If you're not there, they can't follow you--simple as that. So go to them first. This means that there are constraints on how you lead people. There is a pacing to it. You can only move as fast as they can follow. Leading is like herding animals in that you can't make sudden changes in direction. It's more of subtle influence on the existing direction and momentum.

If you do this right with the correct foresight, you will see that you can ultimately lead people anywhere. For good or for evil. In both cases it is subtle influence exerted consistently over time. Many men ignore where the woman is. They ignore what she's communicating about what makes her comfortable and uncomfortable.

And this is key because one of the factors that makes people want to follow you more is your track record of leading them to a better world, and a better life. This is credibility and it takes time and consistent positive results.

I know many men, who think that a woman is supposed to conform to what they want and do what they want--they believe that this is "Alpha" behavior when real alpha behavior is leading a woman down a path that she is uncertain about but is willing to go down because she trusts you, only to find herself EXACTLY where she wanted to be quicker and easier than she could have arrived on her own.



Leading in relationships is about setting the scene, and planning out the progression of dates, and most importantly pulling the trigger at the right time so that the interactions move forward. If you can lead well, then you will be able to create the kind of dating life you've always wanted. It's a lot like salsa dancing. If a woman has very little skills but is with a man who leads well, she will look like she's an amazing dancer and on the same token if you put a woman who is an amazing dancer with a guy who leads poorly it will be a total disaster.

Are some women poor followers? Yes, many. But as long as you're not leading well, you can't know whose fault your bad relationship really is.

A real eye-opener, this girl tells it in a way that girls don't want you to know.  You'll probably end up reading every post in one day like I did, so be wary and get some water to keep you going!

http://lovehoteljapan.blogspot.com/2009/12/4-nympho.html

And if you really like what this girl has to say, make some comments and I'll see if I can set up an interview with her or something.