--

This is the second part of a FR I posted earlier. At the time I thought the chances of seeing this girl again where low. This completely blew my expectations.

Ten days passed before I saw her again. After she canceled our salsa lesson date, she went on a business trip for the long weekend. The only communication I had with her was her texting to wish me happy birthday (a good sign I think). During that time I really tried to work on being outcome independent with this girl. No matter what happened, I had already learned a lot from my experience with her.

I finally called her on Tuesday and suggested that we try for the salsa lesson again the next day. She said she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to make it because of her work schedule, but she’d let me know. Based on Kane Vast’s advice, I was just planning to build more comfort with her, set some of my frames about how sex isn’t a big deal and how I don’t just sleep with any girl - I have standards, and I think she does too. I’m half expecting to not even take her back to my house this time.

I called her the next day to confirm the time and place, and to my surprise, she said she didn’t really want to go to the dance lesson, but wanted to meet me somewhere else. “Ok, how about we go to Sanlitun,” I suggested. Her: “What are we going to do there?” Me: “I know a cool coffee shop there with a good atmosphere.” She agreed, but sounded a little reluctant.

About 15 minutes before we’re supposed to meet, she calls me and asks again where we are meeting, and then says she doesn’t want to go to Sanlitun. I’m think to myself, something strange is going on here - she doesn’t want to go to these cool places I’m suggesting, but she still wants to see me. Finally, she suggests meeting “somewhere near your house, like tuanjiehu subway station.” At that point it clicked – she wants to go to my house! That can only mean one thing…

Sure enough, when I meet her she’s all over me. She even moves her lips close to my face as if she wants to kiss me. I decide to tease her a bit by not kissing her, but as we walk I’ve got my arm around her and occasionally put my face close to hers. She asks where we’re going, and I suggest that she come to my house “to see my new pet monkey” (another girl gave me a talking stuffed animal monkey for my birthday – little did she know what I’d be using it for :-D ). She’s very flirtatious the whole way, and it’s making me a little nervous, so I just keep stacking forward, going on about random shit. At this point we both know what’s going to happen.

When we get to my house, I show her the monkey and she makes some small talk with my roommate (who knows what’s up and quickly leaves to go swimming). She suggests continuing to look at my pictures, since we didn’t get to finish last time. Man, this girl is making this very easy. As we sit together on the couch, I start smelling her neck and moving my hands up and down her arms. When I start biting her ears, she lets out a little moan and turns to kiss me, but I still refuse and continue to tease her. I feel completely in control of the interaction now. Finally I let her kiss me, and as she’s doing so I pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. Not even a hint of LMR (although she did make me figure out how to take off her extremely complicate skirt and three-clip bra, haha).

So the girl who practically ran screaming out of my house last time I tried to take her in the bedroom, practically threw herself on me the next time I saw her. The only way I can think to explain this is that during those ten days, something in her body changed and flipped on the “I want to have sex” switch (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, read Sperm Wars).

Afterward she went back to being her bossy, controlling self. But this time I knew how to tease her about it, and made her say “please” before giving into her demands (she suddenly wanted to have an English lesson and was asking me to write down words in her notebook).

As I was walking her to a cab, I asked her where she lives because I couldn’t remember. She’s like, oh, did you forget because you confused me with one of your other girlfriends? I turned this into a joke by saying yes, in fact I have eight girlfriends, and that if she’s good she can move up the priority ladder. She upped the ante by saying she has 100 boyfriends. At least she doesn't seem too concerned about the relationship frame right now.

Anyway, despite her bossiness, this girl is amazing and I’m looking forward to many more nights with her. Still can't believe I met her in a McDonalds.


Things I did well:
-Read past the surface of her not wanting to go the places I suggested
-Calibrated my strategy to fit with her sudden change of attitude
-Continued to tease her even when I knew she just wanted to have sex
-Dealt with her controlling nature by teasing her and not giving into everything she wanted

Things I will improve:
-Have sex longer? Not really much I would have done differently this time around

--

And for your perving pleasure, here are the tits that have landed Kane in so much trouble!

--

September 5th, 2011

This one is pretty long, but I think all the detail is important to see how the interaction progressed and to try and understand why things went south in the end. Also note that this is taking place only three months after my bootcamp: at this point, all my previous perceptions of what was possible have been shattered.

I’ve got to start this report out in a positive way though, otherwise I’m going to be writhing in anguish the whole time I write it, because I was SO CLOSE TO FUCKING THE HOTTEST CHICK OF MY LIFE :-)

This was definitely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever dated, and she’s one of those girls who doesn’t realize how hot she is (sorry, i'm really bad at remembering to take pictures). Also, she doesn’t speak any English and can understand very little, so our whole interaction was pretty much in Chinese. The fact that I even got her back to my house and made out with her is pretty amazing.

I first saw her half sleeping on a table in McDonalds on a Tuesday afternoon. I did a direct approach on her, and even though she was a little out of it, she responded well. I found out that she’s from Sichuan, and works in Beijing selling baijiu (Chinese hard alcohol) for one of the biggest baijiu companies. I cold read her to have an extroverted personality and be a bit of a party girl, which she generally agreed with (even though she sells baijiu she doesn’t really drink much). I qualified her on liking nature and being athletic, because she told me that she was a horseback rider back in Sichuan. I also teased her a little about sleeping in the McDonalds and how her life must be so tough. Finally, I timebridged her for playing Frisbee and taking a walk in Chaoyang park on Sunday, which she agreed to.

The next morning I sent her a text message (credit: Vision) with a picture of a cub of coffee, saying “昨天认识你很高兴。我知道你的生活很困，所以我做给你一杯咖啡 ;-) (it was good to meet you yesterday. I know you’re life is tiring, so I made you a cup of coffee). She responded: 谢谢，你心地很善良，希望你在中国生活的愉快！！！(Thanks, you have a kind heart, I hope you are living happily in China!)

I texted her again the day before to confirm. She asked if she could bring a friend, but I said I just wanted it to be me and her, so we could get to know each other better. She was ok with this and said she’d see me then.

She showed up wearing a beautiful dress with heels and makeup that I would say put her at HB 9. When we got to the park I taught her how to play Frisbee. She said she had never played before, but was surprisingly good at it, and seemed to be having a lot of fun. It was actually hilarious watching her trying to catch and run after the Frisbee on the grass when she was dressed up like a model.

We went for a walk around the park, teasing each other and talking about common interests. She was letting me kino her quite a bit, and even reverse kinoing me. We agreed to be each other’s language teacher, and I teased her about being a bad student, because every time I tried to teach her a phrase she said it was too complicated. She’s very independent and assertive, and at times I felt like I was losing a little control of the interaction, because she kept saying, “let’s go this way,” or “let’s do this,” and I would agree with her. I tried putting my arm around her at one point while we were walking, but she rejected that. Also, speaking in her language, it felt like she was often one step ahead of me in the conversation.

Finally I suggested sitting down on a bench in order to take a little more control (it was hard to pay attention to where we were going and what she was saying at the same time). We started talking about relationships, and I found out she has only had one boyfriend, but (thank god) she’s not a virgin. She also asked me if all Americans are as casual about sex and relationships as it’s shown in the movies, and I told her it depends on the situation, but I personally think that both casual and formal relationships are ok (I couldn’t remember how to say “I don’t like to label relationships” in Chinese). I continued to frame her as being independent (meaning she doesn’t care what other people think) and adventurous when it comes to relationships, which she generally agreed with, although she did bring up the idea that Chinese society is more “traditional” than American society.

We had talked earlier about making food for each other, so I suggested we go to my house and she can make Chinese food (my roommate told me that Sichuan girls love to cook). She initially objected because she didn’t think I had the right kind of food, but I told her we could stop by a market on the way and buy things, so she finally agreed. As we walked out of the park I put my arm around her again, and this time she didn’t reject it. I took her back on my bicycle (unfortunately my electric bike is being detained at the police station – that’s another story). I was both delighted and a little bit nervous when we got back to my neighborhood and I could tell a lot of people were staring at us, including the vendors who I usually buy fruit and vegetables from. HB Horseback rider pretended not to notice, and went about picking out all the things she needed for cooking. I made sure to pay for everything, a gesture that I think in this case was necessary to maintain my dominance.

When we got back to my house she went right to work. At first I tried to help her, but she wanted to do everything a certain way, so eventually I just got out of her way and went to buy some wine to have with dinner. During dinner she seemed a little uneasy, so I ran the cube in the desert to try and build a little more comfort with her. After this the conversation somehow got to her skin color. She’s a little darker than most Sichuan girls, which I think is why she doesn’t realize know how hot she is. I told her how in American tan girls are considered to be the most beautiful. She seemed like she was looking for my approval, so I reached up and touched her cheek, and said I think she’s very beautiful the way she is. She didn’t reject my face kinoing, and even closed her eyes for a second.

A few minutes later we were almost finished eating, and I told her I wanted to teach her some dance moves. I put some Salsa music on, and started to dance with her. She was really interested in learning, and was having a good time. When I pulled her in close and put my arms around her, she didn’t wince or move away, so as we danced I started smelling her neck, and then slowly started kissing it. She didn’t reject this at all, and started to turn her head toward me, so I kissed her on the lips. We began making out and grinding up against each other in the middle of the room, and then I slowly began leading her to my bedroom. But when she realized where we were going, she said “No!” and pulled away rather forcefully. Shit, I was moving a little too fast.

At this point I probably should have just sat her down on the couch and continued the kissing, but I let her sit back down at the dinner table and start eating again. Suddenly she downed the rest of her wine and then announced that she was going to start cleaning up. I think she was trying to intoxicate herself a little more to justify what she was doing, and needed to start cleaning to distract herself. She was almost as controlling about the cleaning as she was about making dinner, so I left her to that, thinking she probably just needed some space.

After she finished I suggested looking at pictures. Here I probably should have just sat with her on the couch to do so, but I made the excuse that my bedroom was more comfortable (I had turned the air conditioner on). She agreed to come sit on my bed, but mentioned that it was getting late and that she needed to leave soon. As we looked at pictures, I started escalating again by massaging her shoulder with one hand, and then giving her a full back massage. But when I began kissing her again, she immediately said she needed to go and started to get up and leave. I tried to pull her back but she was very forceful and was starting to get angry. Just then, I my roommate came home. Talk about bad timing. We were standing in the doorway to my bedroom, and I thought for split second about pulling her back in and closing the door, but she acted first and went out to the living and started gathering her things.

An awkward conversation with my roommate ensued, and then I said I’d walk her out. When we got outside, I pulled her toward me again and asked why she had to leave. She wouldn’t give me any reasons except that she had to work the next day (it was only 9pm). I started kissing her again in the hallway, and tried to prevent her from going into the elevator when it arrived, but she forced her way in. We played a back and forth tug of war all the way outside, where she would make out with me for a minute, then pull away. The only reason I could get from her for why she had to leave was her saying “I’m not that open.” Finally I gave up and started walking her toward the road where she could get a cab. She said she could go herself, but I insisted that because I’m a gentleman, I would escort her to a cab. I had tentatively time-bridged her earlier for my birthday party on Saturday, but she had said she might be going on a business trip. So as we walked, I searched for something else I could timebridge her for, and suggested she come meet me for Salsa lessons on Thursday. She said she wasn’t sure what her schedule was yet, so I told her we should plan on it, but if her schedule changes she can call me. She agreed to this, and reluctantly kissed me goodbye as she called a cab.

I texted her this morning: “我昨天跟你一起玩得很愉快 （I had a lot of fun with you yesterday)。Have a nice day, mama ;-) ” (when she was being bossy earlier I would call her ‘mama’). She texted back, “哈哈，乖宝宝”(I think this translates as “haha, you well-behaved darling”).

Keeping my fingers crossed that she’ll come out on Thursday. I’m a little worried now though that it will be difficult to bounce her back to my house, especially because the dance lessons are fairly late on a weekday evening, and I used up all my usual reasons for going back to my house (making dinner, music, pictures) on the first date.


Things I did well:
-Had a good initial conversation and successfully time-bridged her
-Teased her and had a good time, despite multiple miscommunications because of the language barrier
-Calibrated kino well and got lots of compliance
-Qualified her well about being independent, trying new things and enjoying sports (unlike many Chinese girls who would rather watch TV or go shopping)

Things I will improve:
-Take a step back and escalated slower or build more comfort when she rejects something (i.e. going into my bedroom), rather than stopping the intimacy, and then trying to jump ahead
-Be better prepared with Chinese phrases to express my views about relationships
-Build more comfort when she’s obviously feeling a little uncomfortable
-Lead the interaction a little stronger
-Seed and set a timebridge before sexually escalating

Things I would do differently in retrospect
-Not go for the make-out so early: push & pull a little more
-Not try to continue making out with her in the elevator
-Not escalate so fast & build more comfort & compliance after she rejected my attempts first attempt to get her in my bedroom

--

He ultimately did close the girl and I'll post that up for you to read next week!

And while there are beautiful women everywhere I think Japan stands out as the best place for pickup.

And it's all demographics:

• China has 1.3 BILLION people, that's 1,300 million people
• Japan has 130 million
• Thailand has about 70 million
• Indonesia, the most populous SE Asian country has 238 million
• Singapore has only 5 million

Based off these raw numbers, you'd think that China would be your best place to pickup.  However most foreign guys are reallly only interested in women of a certain socio-economic background--educated, middle class women and up.  

(Not all guys though...In Thailand, I have a friend who was explaining to his girlfriend that when you're looking at a world map, the edge of one side of the map leads to the edge of the OPPOSITE side of the map!  Another friend, used to quiz girls on their times tables!)

I read one statistic that says that of China's 1,300 million, only 60 million are middle class!

Contrast that with Japan where the middle class makes up 125 million.  Plus with China's one child policy and their preference for male children, the percentage of women in that 60 million is looking not so good.

Additionally, the large population means that there are more subcultures(the homogeneity of Singapore stands out here, *yawn*).

And while Indonesia has almost as many people as the US, the income per person there is lower than China...and it's muslim, which REALLY doesn't help you with getting chicks into bed.

I think this is why Japanese girls are so renowned all over the world.  That and their huge porn industry!

This kind is ideal for dating and relationships.

2) The $$$ chicks that enjoy using their looks to get things from guys--attention, expensive clothes, meals, trips, gifts, rides, the envy of her friends, etc.  She has learned how to skillfully manipulate men to get whatever it is she wants.

While this girl is definitely more dangerous than type 1, as long as you can generate attraction without spending much money(ie avoid running "spender game") you can separate yourself from the sorry losers and can have a retty normal relationship as she won't slot you into the category of the guys she uses.

She will constantly try to push you into the user frame, so you will always have to stay on your toes.

3) B.E.D. - Beautiful, Extremely Dangerous. 

Type 3 $$$ chicks are extremely dangerous.  They are the female equivalent of the natural.  Usually, they have had men after them since they were in Jr. High School.  They have seen men lie, cheat, steal, and spend--anything to get into their pants.  These women have had men profess love and propose to them, while barely even knowing them.

As a result they have ZERO respect for men.  They despise men because they have continuously seen men at their worst.  In addition to their model looks they know how to manipulate men and have no regard for any damage they might cause--physically, emotionally, or economically.

They are sociopaths who because they have long been objectified by men, in turn objectify men back.

I advise you to steer well clear...

2:10 AM E: i was just thinking the other day

  y is picking up so foreign to me

  i mean, im a human male, i should know what to do

  but i dont

  in the animal kingdom all the males pretty much know what to do

  but why is it so hard with human courship, especially for males???

2:11 AM men have trouble gettng a girl and women have trouble keeping a guy

 RPQ: that last part is because of conflicting interests.

2:12 AM Men don't know how to pick up because our minds are focused and socialized away from our natural tendencies.

  Especially smart, well educated men.

2:13 AM E: please elaborate if u can on the "focused and socialized away from natural tendencies" part

2:14 AM and also, even if its focused away, why arent girls also liek that? ie dont know how to get a guy

  dont mean to trouble u with all these questions btw, if u need to go or anything let me know

 RPQ: What makes people seductive is the more "animal" part of their nature. But we lose that through socialization.

2:15 AM E: ok...

  that makes sense

 RPQ: 1. girls aren't as socialized away from their natural tendencies as men

  2. for women, looks plays a major role.

 E: how have men been socialized away?

2:16 AM RPQ: People are attracted to emotions...but most intelligent men are quite disconnected. If they weren't, they wouldn't have been able to focus on their studies.

  That's why atheletes tend to be better with women. They're more "raw"

2:17 AM And if you watch chick flicks, which you should if you don't you'll see that it's all about emotions.

  I especially recommend: Titanic, Pretty Woman, Sex and the City, and Twilight.

2:18 AM Bridget Jones Diary

 E: but i thought athletes got chicks cuz they were alpha males and looked good generally

 RPQ: That's right...but alpha maleness doesn't fit in with academics.

2:19 AM E: but in those movies, dont circumstances play a major role? ie if im not on a sinking ship, im in a totally boring different situation

 RPQ: Alphaness has a lot to do with power and drive.

  the seduction happens loooong before the sinking part.

 E: yup....so academics really nee $$ if they wanna be alpha

 RPQ: $$ doesn't make them alpha which is why they come to me.

2:20 AM E: REALLY???

 RPQ: I've had at least one client who was a millionaire.

 E: i thought $$ was the last resort of the game-less

 RPQ: and he ran a porn site.

 E: hahahahh lol

 RPQ: That's what everyone thinks, but then when they have it they realize it's not enough.

  It can be for some people though.

  You'll be able to attract gold diggers.

2:21 AM E: so then, if its raw animal emotions that make a man alpha, how do u get there?

  and what is that like?

  i dont even know

 RPQ: That's part of it.

  Ok, so you would be a person who won't have too much trouble.

2:22 AM taping into your inate alphaness

  and the reason I know this is because you left your cushy situation to go after what you really want.

  That's one of the keys. Most people are doing what they are supposed to do even though they hate it. NOT Alpha at all.

2:23 AM That's the virtual definition of beta...you're a follower if you're doing that.

 E: yea i think i read or ehard that somewhere else too

  like ur not "on ur path"

 RPQ: Yeah...that's probably from "The Way of the Superior Man"

 E: possibly yea, but i think i heard it on one of david deangelo's audio thingy's

2:24 AM RPQ: ahhh, ok.

 E: how do u focus that alphaness in an interaction

 RPQ: I don't.

2:25 AM Really you have to cut off your non-alpha tendencies.

  So think like this.

  When we're born we're all Alpha.

 E: ok...

 RPQ: How do we know? Because every baby takes what they want.

 E: ok

 RPQ: They don't care how it effects others. They want it and they're going to get it.

  It's only later that we learn to curtail these drives or learn they aren't appropriate OR

 E: yup...

2:26 AM RPQ: learn how to channel them in the right way so we do get what we want without rocking the boat too much.

  And when I say "too much" that means not so much that people won't give it to you.

2:27 AM or that you get smacked down going for it...

 E: hahaha yup

 RPQ: white collar crime would be an example of alpha behavior that will get you smacked down.

 E: so essentially decide what u want and just take it?

  ok besides crime obviously

2:28 AM RPQ: yup, but it's not as easy as all that because most of us have mental blocks against taking what we want.

  Deserving issues, guilt

  fear

 E: but woudnt u still have to include that in an interaction with a woman?

 RPQ: what do you mean?

 E: like for instance, lets say at work i TAKE what i want

  but, when i meet a chick

  theres not much to TAKE

2:29 AM like.....i woudlnt suddenly take food off her plate etc

 RPQ: you might if you wanted it.

  why not?

 E: how would u "cut off nonalpha" tendencies in the interaction itself to make it known ur alpha

  hahaha i guess i could

 RPQ: or you'd do what I do, which is lean forward and open my mouth

 E: but if i dont wnat to take her food, what are more natural ways of asserting alpha

2:30 AM RPQ: Then what do you want in that moment?

  That's the point.

  Feeling that it's ok to have what you want in the moment.

  Doesn't mean you always do it, but you first have to have the feeling it's ok.

2:31 AM E: ok....

 RPQ: Like I used to feel bad about having sex with the first girl I regularly had sex with.

 E: so get used to the alpha in ur bloodstream first?

 RPQ: I felt bad because I didn't "love" her.

  But I wanted sex.

 E: yea i get that guilt too

 RPQ: I wasn't promising her anything though, so she didn't think it was more than a sex thing.

 E: its worse for us asians....so much guilt

 RPQ: It was a personal issue with not being ok with my desires.

2:32 AM I've since overcome that problem :D

 E: hahahah ok

  so back to the alpha thing, ur saying get used to being alpha in general, in all circumstances

  just get used to it

2:33 AM RPQ: yeah, you can't be alpha "sometimes". It's not a switch.

 E: take what u want, except when it could lead to a smackdown

  yup

  ok

 RPQ: I'd say the first step is knowing that it's ok to want whatever it is you want.

 E: ok

 RPQ: That's the real problem.

  Part 2 is

 E: yea ur right

  but go an

2:34 AM on

 RPQ: being able to motivate ourselves to take action towards what we want.

  If you have the ability to do those things then you really do have CHOICE of how you lead your life.

  That's alpha.

 E: ok

 RPQ: Because we have to make trade-offs. You can't have everything.

 E: im starting to see it

2:35 AM RPQ: And being smart people we can use our brains to figure out the BEST way to get what we want.

 E: but....i still cant see how taht transaltes to attractiveness for a female

  so basically ur like a cavemen taking whatevre the hell u want

 RPQ: As in why is alphaness attractive to women?

2:36 AM E: kindof yea....think about it, shes sitting there iwth u, and ur just taking whatever u want, why the hell does she like u????

 RPQ: Once again, it's not the DISPLAY that matters(though selective displays are valuable) it's the ALPHANESS itself that matters.

2:37 AM The display is like makeup, your inate alphaness is like natural looks in women.

 E: ahhhh

  ok

2:38 AM so, be innately alpha and u'd be equivalent to a hot chick with no makeup

 RPQ: yup.

  but if she still should put on makeup if she wants to have the best effect. And dress hot.

  and go to the gym.

 E: so i suppose, in every situaion, u know what ur doing, and when there are choices to be made, like either dinner or movie, YOU'd be choosing?

  cuz ur alpha?

2:39 AM RPQ: yeah

  But of course you can take what she wants into account.

  Where you lose is when you do something you don't want to do because you think she'll like you more for it.

 E: dont u worry about ur inner alphaness turning u into a chauvinist pig?

  ok undestood, ur last statement is clearly correct, and very beta of the guy

2:40 AM RPQ: Think of the difference between big loser guy telling a girl he wants to give her a massage versus Brad Pitt.

 E: so only do what she wants if its wat u want to do also

 RPQ: One seems self-serving, while the other seems like he's just a nice guy.

  Or rather a guy who's being nice

  Clearly brad pitt isn't doing it so the girl likes him. He's doing it because he wants to.

2:41 AM That's not to say that it can't work if you're beta, but it's a very different frame.

 E: hmmm

2:42 AM u know

  ive very rarely told a girl i like her

  i think i havent been alpha enough to just say it

  cuz its what i want

  ive just been always trying to figure out if she likes me first

  and then think about what to do

 RPQ: B-E-T-A

2:43 AM E: very calculative, thinking, thinking, then shes with another guy

  yea

  beta

  i see it now

  so if i like a girl i just tell her

  ?

  dont think too much?

  or will that spoil game a bit

2:44 AM and better to qualify first

 RPQ: That's a strategic decision, but the point is that you're making that decision from a position of power and self-mastery, not fear.

2:45 AM E: ok.....so for now, even if i screw up the closing, at least make all decisions from the alpha-zone?

2:46 AM RPQ: yup.

 E: thanks for clearing that up bro

 RPQ: you're welcome.

I like lizards.

So who's been to Phebe yet?

If not....go there! If you have then check out Fuxing park.

Anyone remember Club Lady Gaga?

Richy: Typical Chinese club. (Fuxing park)

Not many foreigners, pretty standard Chinese club meaning there are about 10 million tables and chairs and then a small dance floor.....even though its a small dance floor this club is still pretty cool.

The club is great for finding Chinese girls and just generally having fun, its close to a few other clubs so its a good place to hang around as you can bounce to other places quickly and easily.

Drinks are ok priced.

Park 97: A bizzare bizzare place. (fuxing park)

Two levels and many many tables.....

I've never seen it totally packed but then again its never really empty.....

Security are pushy and a little retarded, the club has lots of Chinese people and not many foreigners (this seems to be the case with Fu xing park) its mainly commerical boring music and I haven't personally had a fantastic or memorable time there, yet (still hoping).

It's worth checking out but not worth spending the night at.

Not sure about the drinks.

Guandi: Its famous...(fuxing park)

I've been here a few times, its almost always empty which leads me to believe its a late late late night club (4am-ish)

It's trendy and occasionally attracts some people from the Shanghai dance crews....it can be a little hit and miss though because its rarely consistent with the music.

Check it out or dont.....

Not sure about the drinks.

I will cover more clubs (Xin tian Di - complete coverage) in the next post.

Small dive bars/clubs:

Windows underground

C's

Everything else in between: 

Mural

Windows too

Brown sugar

Davidoff lounge

Tipsy...

LADDDDDDYYYYYYYY GAGA. (watch out for this one)

Thanks for reading my rant on Shanghai clubs, I hope you love it.

Peace

Kane

When I originally asked him to put something together he wrote THOUSANDS of words, so I've decided to break it up into some smaller chunks for easy consumption.

Anyway, enough of me, let's get to what you really want to know...

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Thanks for dropping by, Kane.

We'll have the next post up in about a week so look for it.

As I mentioned in the previous post, falling in love is when we project our golden shadow on to another person.  I'm not exactly sure why we do this, but I have a few ideas because even now with all my experience with women, I find it hard not to get swept away when I meet a really gorgeous, fun woman.

I think part of it is the depth of the unknown in that person.  We know so little about them, it's easy for us to make up stories about what they are truly like.  In a really fascinating book about the potential for artificial intelligence called On Intelligence which I read several years ago, the author talks about how the human brain is a prediction machine.

Every stimuli has a neuronal firing pattern that allows us to distinguish between the taste of chocolate and the taste of dirt.  Our experiences growing up especially at as children create the neuronal firing patterns and pathways in our brains and those that are used the most are the quickest and most easily accessed while the unused ones atrophy away.

Hence you can always ride a bike once you've learned how but it takes a while to get those neuronal pathways firing well enough for you to do it as well as you did it when you were a kid.

The most intersting thing is that when these start firing there's a kind of chain reaction that is especially strong among the most heavily trafficked and wide pathways which is why when you learn somethig new that's very similar to something you already know, unless you pay close attention, you'll find yourself reverting to the old pattern.

When we meet a woman and things are going well our neurons start firing away and we start predicting what this person is like.  The problem, of course, is that what we're using to predict what she's like is based on how we see ourselves. 

Cross cultural communication is difficult just because we automatically impute our own drives, motives and understandings into other people's actions.  (We do this just as often with those who are close to us too.)

Additionally because our shadow has to be expressed in some way, the other person acts as a blank screen onto which we can project our repressed golden shadow.

 One thing that particularly struck me when I was reading Overcoming Your Shadow though, was that there is definitely a side benefit to projecting all of these positive traits and putting a woman on a pedestal.

If she likes us back--if the near perfect being likes us back from up on their pedestal, then we must be pretty great ourselves and I think that's one of the main reasons men persist in pedestaling women.

In Part VI I'm going to talk why regression is an important part of emotional connection and how that relates to the concept of the shadow.