Leading Women - The Pitfalls and Two Maxims That Will Help You Avoid Them

Skillful leading is one of those often overlooked things that you must learn if you want to be successful with women. In Asia, it is up to you as a man to take responsibility for how interactions with women go. Whether rightly or wrongly as a man, it is your job to "sweep" a woman off of her feet and create that fantasy that she's always wanted.

Leading in relationships is about setting the scene, and planning out the progression of dates, and most importantly pulling the trigger at the right time so that the interactions move forward. If you can lead well, then you will be able to create the kind of dating life you've always wanted. It's a lot like salsa dancing. If a woman has very little skills but is with a man who leads well, she will look like she's an amazing dancer and on the same token if you put a woman who is an amazing dancer with a guy who leads poorly it will be a total disaster.

Are some women poor followers? Yes, many. But as long as you're not leading well, you can't know whose fault your bad relationship really is.

Most guys get this leading thing terribly wrong either by being too wimpy or by being too domineering. While it seems odd, these extremes, both bad, are based on mis-calibration of the same thing.

In the case of being wimpy, it's a man's attempt at trying so hard to give a woman what she wants that he sacrifices his own needs and desires. In the case of the domineering man, he ignores what women want and ONLY focuses on his own needs and desires.

Skillful leadership when it comes to dating and relationships is about striking a balance between the two and, at it's most skillful, finding solutions that fit both of them(one reason why qualification is so important--but that for another article).

There are two fundamental maxim's in leadership that you must apply in your dating life to be successful:

1) Go first

2) Pace then lead

Go first means that you can't expect a person to follow you someplace you're unwilling to go yourself. And the only way you can prove that you're willing to go there is to take the first step. It's the proverbial, "I will if you will" or "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours."

Going first is about having the balls to to put yourself at risk that you won't actually get the promised reciprocation, and shows you as being a strong leader because you expect people to follow and if they don't you can take the hit. This is what "pulling the trigger" and making a move are all about. Putting yourself in position that SEEMS vulnerable.

Pace, THEN lead will be covered in a follow up blog post...



Comments

[Mr. Mojo]

Great post. Explained very concise.
It'd like to add that going first can also be about going first in your emotions, as in when we Phase Shift.

[RedpoleQ]

You are completely right. More on that for another time though...

Thanks for commenting, man.