The Best Place to PickUp in Asia?

I travel in Asia...A LOT.  In the past 12 months, I've been to Thailand, Japan, Korea, China, Taiwan, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Malaysia(most of them multiple times).

And while there are beautiful women everywhere I think Japan stands out as the best place for pickup.

And it's all demographics:

• China has 1.3 BILLION people, that's 1,300 million people
• Japan has 130 million
• Thailand has about 70 million
• Indonesia, the most populous SE Asian country has 238 million
• Singapore has only 5 million

Based off these raw numbers, you'd think that China would be your best place to pickup.  However most foreign guys are reallly only interested in women of a certain socio-economic background--educated, middle class women and up.  

(Not all guys though...In Thailand, I have a friend who was explaining to his girlfriend that when you're looking at a world map, the edge of one side of the map leads to the edge of the OPPOSITE side of the map!  Another friend, used to quiz girls on their times tables!)

I read one statistic that says that of China's 1,300 million, only 60 million are middle class!

Contrast that with Japan where the middle class makes up 125 million.  Plus with China's one child policy and their preference for male children, the percentage of women in that 60 million is looking not so good.

Additionally, the large population means that there are more subcultures(the homogeneity of Singapore stands out here, *yawn*).

And while Indonesia has almost as many people as the US, the income per person there is lower than China...and it's muslim, which REALLY doesn't help you with getting chicks into bed.

I think this is why Japanese girls are so renowned all over the world.  That and their huge porn industry!

3 Types of Really Attractive Women(aka SUPER $$$ CHICKS)

1) The $$$(money, for those of you who don't know) chicks that don't know they're $$$.  Perhaps they were late bloomers, or grew up in a strict household where they didn't get a chance to interact with men enough to realize the amount of power they have.

This kind is ideal for dating and relationships.

2) The $$$ chicks that enjoy using their looks to get things from guys--attention, expensive clothes, meals, trips, gifts, rides, the envy of her friends, etc.  She has learned how to skillfully manipulate men to get whatever it is she wants.

While this girl is definitely more dangerous than type 1, as long as you can generate attraction without spending much money(ie avoid running "spender game") you can separate yourself from the sorry losers and can have a retty normal relationship as she won't slot you into the category of the guys she uses.

She will constantly try to push you into the user frame, so you will always have to stay on your toes.

3) B.E.D. - Beautiful, Extremely Dangerous. 

Type 3 $$$ chicks are extremely dangerous.  They are the female equivalent of the natural.  Usually, they have had men after them since they were in Jr. High School.  They have seen men lie, cheat, steal, and spend--anything to get into their pants.  These women have had men profess love and propose to them, while barely even knowing them.

As a result they have ZERO respect for men.  They despise men because they have continuously seen men at their worst.  In addition to their model looks they know how to manipulate men and have no regard for any damage they might cause--physically, emotionally, or economically.

They are sociopaths who because they have long been objectified by men, in turn objectify men back.

I advise you to steer well clear...

Why Is Meeting Women So Hard?

Here is a rather interesting exchange I had with a client over chat a while back.  I always like to have these kind of conversations because it helps me to really keep my thinking sharp and to clarify concepts:

2:10 AM E: i was just thinking the other day

  y is picking up so foreign to me

  i mean, im a human male, i should know what to do

  but i dont

  in the animal kingdom all the males pretty much know what to do

  but why is it so hard with human courship, especially for males???

2:11 AM men have trouble gettng a girl and women have trouble keeping a guy

 RPQ: that last part is because of conflicting interests.

2:12 AM Men don't know how to pick up because our minds are focused and socialized away from our natural tendencies.

  Especially smart, well educated men.

2:13 AM E: please elaborate if u can on the "focused and socialized away from natural tendencies" part

2:14 AM and also, even if its focused away, why arent girls also liek that? ie dont know how to get a guy

  dont mean to trouble u with all these questions btw, if u need to go or anything let me know

 RPQ: What makes people seductive is the more "animal" part of their nature. But we lose that through socialization.

2:15 AM E: ok...

  that makes sense

 RPQ: 1. girls aren't as socialized away from their natural tendencies as men

  2. for women, looks plays a major role.

 E: how have men been socialized away?

2:16 AM RPQ: People are attracted to emotions...but most intelligent men are quite disconnected. If they weren't, they wouldn't have been able to focus on their studies.

  That's why atheletes tend to be better with women. They're more "raw"

2:17 AM And if you watch chick flicks, which you should if you don't you'll see that it's all about emotions.

  I especially recommend: Titanic, Pretty Woman, Sex and the City, and Twilight.

2:18 AM Bridget Jones Diary

 E: but i thought athletes got chicks cuz they were alpha males and looked good generally

 RPQ: That's right...but alpha maleness doesn't fit in with academics.

2:19 AM E: but in those movies, dont circumstances play a major role? ie if im not on a sinking ship, im in a totally boring different situation

 RPQ: Alphaness has a lot to do with power and drive.

  the seduction happens loooong before the sinking part.

 E: yup....so academics really nee $$ if they wanna be alpha

 RPQ: $$ doesn't make them alpha which is why they come to me.

2:20 AM E: REALLY???

 RPQ: I've had at least one client who was a millionaire.

 E: i thought $$ was the last resort of the game-less

 RPQ: and he ran a porn site.

 E: hahahahh lol

 RPQ: That's what everyone thinks, but then when they have it they realize it's not enough.

  It can be for some people though.

  You'll be able to attract gold diggers.

2:21 AM E: so then, if its raw animal emotions that make a man alpha, how do u get there?

  and what is that like?

  i dont even know

 RPQ: That's part of it.

  Ok, so you would be a person who won't have too much trouble.

2:22 AM taping into your inate alphaness

  and the reason I know this is because you left your cushy situation to go after what you really want.

  That's one of the keys. Most people are doing what they are supposed to do even though they hate it. NOT Alpha at all.

2:23 AM That's the virtual definition of beta...you're a follower if you're doing that.

 E: yea i think i read or ehard that somewhere else too

  like ur not "on ur path"

 RPQ: Yeah...that's probably from "The Way of the Superior Man"

 E: possibly yea, but i think i heard it on one of david deangelo's audio thingy's

2:24 AM RPQ: ahhh, ok.

 E: how do u focus that alphaness in an interaction

 RPQ: I don't.

2:25 AM Really you have to cut off your non-alpha tendencies.

  So think like this.

  When we're born we're all Alpha.

 E: ok...

 RPQ: How do we know? Because every baby takes what they want.

 E: ok

 RPQ: They don't care how it effects others. They want it and they're going to get it.

  It's only later that we learn to curtail these drives or learn they aren't appropriate OR

 E: yup...

2:26 AM RPQ: learn how to channel them in the right way so we do get what we want without rocking the boat too much.

  And when I say "too much" that means not so much that people won't give it to you.

2:27 AM or that you get smacked down going for it...

 E: hahaha yup

 RPQ: white collar crime would be an example of alpha behavior that will get you smacked down.

 E: so essentially decide what u want and just take it?

  ok besides crime obviously

2:28 AM RPQ: yup, but it's not as easy as all that because most of us have mental blocks against taking what we want.

  Deserving issues, guilt

  fear

 E: but woudnt u still have to include that in an interaction with a woman?

 RPQ: what do you mean?

 E: like for instance, lets say at work i TAKE what i want

  but, when i meet a chick

  theres not much to TAKE

2:29 AM like.....i woudlnt suddenly take food off her plate etc

 RPQ: you might if you wanted it.

  why not?

 E: how would u "cut off nonalpha" tendencies in the interaction itself to make it known ur alpha

  hahaha i guess i could

 RPQ: or you'd do what I do, which is lean forward and open my mouth

 E: but if i dont wnat to take her food, what are more natural ways of asserting alpha

2:30 AM RPQ: Then what do you want in that moment?

  That's the point.

  Feeling that it's ok to have what you want in the moment.

  Doesn't mean you always do it, but you first have to have the feeling it's ok.

2:31 AM E: ok....

 RPQ: Like I used to feel bad about having sex with the first girl I regularly had sex with.

 E: so get used to the alpha in ur bloodstream first?

 RPQ: I felt bad because I didn't "love" her.

  But I wanted sex.

 E: yea i get that guilt too

 RPQ: I wasn't promising her anything though, so she didn't think it was more than a sex thing.

 E: its worse for us asians....so much guilt

 RPQ: It was a personal issue with not being ok with my desires.

2:32 AM I've since overcome that problem :D

 E: hahahah ok

  so back to the alpha thing, ur saying get used to being alpha in general, in all circumstances

  just get used to it

2:33 AM RPQ: yeah, you can't be alpha "sometimes". It's not a switch.

 E: take what u want, except when it could lead to a smackdown

  yup

  ok

 RPQ: I'd say the first step is knowing that it's ok to want whatever it is you want.

 E: ok

 RPQ: That's the real problem.

  Part 2 is

 E: yea ur right

  but go an

2:34 AM on

 RPQ: being able to motivate ourselves to take action towards what we want.

  If you have the ability to do those things then you really do have CHOICE of how you lead your life.

  That's alpha.

 E: ok

 RPQ: Because we have to make trade-offs. You can't have everything.

 E: im starting to see it

2:35 AM RPQ: And being smart people we can use our brains to figure out the BEST way to get what we want.

 E: but....i still cant see how taht transaltes to attractiveness for a female

  so basically ur like a cavemen taking whatevre the hell u want

 RPQ: As in why is alphaness attractive to women?

2:36 AM E: kindof yea....think about it, shes sitting there iwth u, and ur just taking whatever u want, why the hell does she like u????

 RPQ: Once again, it's not the DISPLAY that matters(though selective displays are valuable) it's the ALPHANESS itself that matters.

2:37 AM The display is like makeup, your inate alphaness is like natural looks in women.

 E: ahhhh

  ok

2:38 AM so, be innately alpha and u'd be equivalent to a hot chick with no makeup

 RPQ: yup.

  but if she still should put on makeup if she wants to have the best effect. And dress hot.

  and go to the gym.

 E: so i suppose, in every situaion, u know what ur doing, and when there are choices to be made, like either dinner or movie, YOU'd be choosing?

  cuz ur alpha?

2:39 AM RPQ: yeah

  But of course you can take what she wants into account.

  Where you lose is when you do something you don't want to do because you think she'll like you more for it.

 E: dont u worry about ur inner alphaness turning u into a chauvinist pig?

  ok undestood, ur last statement is clearly correct, and very beta of the guy

2:40 AM RPQ: Think of the difference between big loser guy telling a girl he wants to give her a massage versus Brad Pitt.

 E: so only do what she wants if its wat u want to do also

 RPQ: One seems self-serving, while the other seems like he's just a nice guy.

  Or rather a guy who's being nice

  Clearly brad pitt isn't doing it so the girl likes him. He's doing it because he wants to.

2:41 AM That's not to say that it can't work if you're beta, but it's a very different frame.

 E: hmmm

2:42 AM u know

  ive very rarely told a girl i like her

  i think i havent been alpha enough to just say it

  cuz its what i want

  ive just been always trying to figure out if she likes me first

  and then think about what to do

 RPQ: B-E-T-A

2:43 AM E: very calculative, thinking, thinking, then shes with another guy

  yea

  beta

  i see it now

  so if i like a girl i just tell her

  ?

  dont think too much?

  or will that spoil game a bit

2:44 AM and better to qualify first

 RPQ: That's a strategic decision, but the point is that you're making that decision from a position of power and self-mastery, not fear.

2:45 AM E: ok.....so for now, even if i screw up the closing, at least make all decisions from the alpha-zone?

2:46 AM RPQ: yup.

 E: thanks for clearing that up bro

 RPQ: you're welcome.

Shanghai Night Life Part IV

I like lizards.

So who's been to Phebe yet?

If not....go there! If you have then check out Fuxing park.

Anyone remember Club Lady Gaga?

Richy: Typical Chinese club. (Fuxing park)

Not many foreigners, pretty standard Chinese club meaning there are about 10 million tables and chairs and then a small dance floor.....even though its a small dance floor this club is still pretty cool.

The club is great for finding Chinese girls and just generally having fun, its close to a few other clubs so its a good place to hang around as you can bounce to other places quickly and easily.

Drinks are ok priced.

Park 97: A bizzare bizzare place. (fuxing park)

Two levels and many many tables.....

I've never seen it totally packed but then again its never really empty.....

Security are pushy and a little retarded, the club has lots of Chinese people and not many foreigners (this seems to be the case with Fu xing park) its mainly commerical boring music and I haven't personally had a fantastic or memorable time there, yet (still hoping).

It's worth checking out but not worth spending the night at.

Not sure about the drinks.

Guandi: Its famous...(fuxing park)

I've been here a few times, its almost always empty which leads me to believe its a late late late night club (4am-ish)

It's trendy and occasionally attracts some people from the Shanghai dance crews....it can be a little hit and miss though because its rarely consistent with the music.

Check it out or dont.....

Not sure about the drinks.

I will cover more clubs (Xin tian Di - complete coverage) in the next post.

Small dive bars/clubs:

Windows underground

C's

Everything else in between: 

Mural

Windows too

Brown sugar

Davidoff lounge

Tipsy...

LADDDDDDYYYYYYYY GAGA. (watch out for this one)

Thanks for reading my rant on Shanghai clubs, I hope you love it.

Peace

Kane

Shanghai Night Life Part III

Hey, I'mmmmmm back.

Anyone been to Lady Gaga? That place is unreal.

Here we go:

Muse 1: ohhhhhhhh damn.

I love this place, this place is totally chill. (Xi kang lu crossing Yu yao lu)

Muse is a great place because its balanced, you have 2 decent sized dance floors (it's 3 levels), 3 bars and its a perfect mix of Foreigners and Chinese 30/70.

Friday nights has good music, generally hip hop and they generally have dancers and MC's/Black dudes rapping or beat boxers.

Saturday is more house or just commerical remixed hip hop.

Always a good place to find girls who are friendly towards foreigners and speak reasonable English.

The 3rd level is private rooms with private service.

Drinks aren't too expensive.

Muse 2: ummmmmmmmmm...yeah...

Basically just a bigger M1 without the 2nd dance floor.

There are A LOT of tables, again same crowd and its a little classier......It is usually too crowded, you have to battle your way through to get anywhere on the busy nights which is a pain in the ass.

The dance floor is a death trap, its a few raised blocks and if you fall if there is a good chance of death.

Other than that, its all right.

Drinks are more expensive than muse 1.

Sky:  Oh...HbSichuan.....

Sky is a wonderful place, its right next to Muse 1 and you can sneak into both of them by going around the back and either going in through the fire exit to get into Sky or use the elevator to get into Muse.

Sky has TABLES, they recently just filled up half the dance floor with tables.....which is kinda crappy but there is still enough of a dance floor to have a good time.

Alcohol is well (correction - 40rmb gets you an orange juice with a spit of vodka in it - RUBBISH) priced, the place is really well run and managed, security is good and everything goes smoothly.

It does get pretty packed on weekends, Friday night is Hip hop, Saturday is house and commercial stuff.

Phebe: I love this place, so much.

Phebe is/was/still sorta is the bomb.

Again it recently got raped (yes raped) with tables, despite that its still a great place....onto why its a great place:

It's a Chinese club.....and it has some Foreigners....it also has some class.

There is mini golf, a Lady playing Piano (that sadly no one can hear) and many cool events/dance things/shows they hold inside.

There is the Lesbian act where two Chinese girls in a shower mimic sex with a dude (they're wearing clothes).

The Michael Jackson act : Some Chinese dude pretends to do some MJ moves...then pulls off most of his clothing and does some sorta gay belly dancing thing and generally prances around....its amusing.

They have a few other shows and other things going on which keep it interesting....

They also have Drink girls (girls who drink with you if you pay them), hookers and everything else in between.

I love Phebe because something magic always happens there, I've met models, ABC's and all sorts here, I've had some of my favourite clubbing experiences here.

Drinks are ok priced.

All the clubs are pretty close to each other (10 mins or so by Taxi) and its easy to travel around as there are Taxi's at all hours.

I hope this clears some stuff up for you guys.

Seriously check out Phebe, even if you don't prefer Chinese clubs, you will like Phebe.

Peace

Kane

Shanghai Night Life Part II

I asked my main main in Shanghai, Kane Vast to finish off this series since Shanghai is his stomping ground.  He willingly agreed to help me out and I'm really thankful for that because he'll be able to give you way better insider knowledge of the scene than I can.

When I originally asked him to put something together he wrote THOUSANDS of words, so I've decided to break it up into some smaller chunks for easy consumption.

Anyway, enough of me, let's get to what you really want to know...

--

Hey RPQ asked me to drop by and give my 2 yuan on Shanghai night life.

To start it all off.....

Shanghai has everything...........from clean and classy to dark and dirty.

Shanghai gives you choice.

Shanghai is everything good, bad and awesome all mixed together.

Starting with dinner....

Shanghai has every restaurant, cuisine and scary dish you could imagine....whatever you can think of, we've got it (yes that includes house pets). (anywhere from 100 rmb for 3 people to 1000 depending which restaurant u go to)

It's a great city to start out eating something awesome for dinner (Xin jiang food for example - Lou shan guan lu) and then moving onto a lounge for some fancy cocktails (Xintian di and Tian zi fang are fantastic, expensive but classy) or even an ice bar, the next step is to then hit up one of Shanghai's many clubs......

 

We've got world famous clubs and world famous DJ's....and then we've got everything else on the dark side of night life that you could think of.

I'm into the Clubs and DJ's so thats what you're gonna hear about from me.

Drink price ranges are described in three ways.

Expensive: 100 rmb for a drink (vodka and coke) is expensive and its most likely the alcohol is real.

Ok: 40 to 70rmb is an ok price and there is a good chance its real.

Cheap: 10 to 30 rmb is cheap and you're getting either really cheap rubbish alcohol or fake alcohol (some clubs here are famous for fake alcohol)

We're going to remember a few key points about China here:

1. Bars/Clubs are there to make money, not to look after you or get involved in your problems, meaning if you get drunk or into a fight you will not receive help from bouncers, they will watch 20 Chinese dudes beat you down and not do a damn thing to help.

2. Almost all major clubs have girls who are paid to drink with you, a lot the clubs have hookers./

These are pretty easy to spot because there will be a table full of girls who aren't drinking much and are all sitting there on their phones looking bored.

3. Chinese people overall are friendly.....do keep in mind that the personal space thing is non existent here so being pushed and shoved is normal and means you shouldn't start fights over it (no matter how god damn annoying it is) because you wont win.

Here we go

I'm going to break this down into types: (I will post about the dive bars, other clubs that i didn't mention here and anything  else i missed next time)

Big commercial clubs:

Club Obama: Club Obama opened with a bang.....and then fizzled. (Yan an xi lu)

It is huge, it is classy and it is over done.

I went there for the opening night and it was crazy, the club is well set up with a theater like setting with chairs surrounding the dance floor which is in the middle of the room.

It occasionally draws famous DJ's and has a generally mixed crowd of Chinese and Foreigners....the problem is that the club isn't close to the central part of Shanghai night life (Xintian Di area) and that makes it not as popular.

Mostly house/techno music.

Drinks are exxxxxxxxxpensive.

Circus: Circus Circus Circus....... (Yan an xi lu)

This place is either really awesome or really crap.

It's above Obama and seems to suffer from the location problem a little but it also makes up for it by having dancers and other forms of entertainment (lots and lots of girls you can pay to sit down and drink with you).

It draws a crowd of both Chinese and Foreigners...most foreigners mostly.

The dance floor is again in the middle of the room, they mostly have techno, house or remixes of Hip hop.

Drinks are ok priced.

Bar 88: Hookers, Lady boys, Drunk Chinese.

Bar 88.....It's everything awesome and terrible all mixed in one, there are lady boys, prostitutes and more all cruising around this bar, lots of tables (an INSANE amount) and an ok sized dance floor, always fun because of the constant insanity.

There are a lot of drunk Chinese people and a good mix of Foreigners chucked in....it is usually busy and its above ground level (long long stairs to get up) which is amusing when you're watching drunk people come down.

Drinks aren't over the top but not too cheap either.

The intro and brief hit up on three clubs should keep you busy!

Another post with alllllllot more club information on the way (Big commercial clubs and others continued next time).

Peace

--

Thanks for dropping by, Kane.

We'll have the next post up in about a week so look for it.

The Shadow Knows: Part V - Projection

A few weeks back a girl I know posted on facebook, "I miss falling in love."  I responded with, "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is the hard part."

As I mentioned in the previous post, falling in love is when we project our golden shadow on to another person.  I'm not exactly sure why we do this, but I have a few ideas because even now with all my experience with women, I find it hard not to get swept away when I meet a really gorgeous, fun woman.

I think part of it is the depth of the unknown in that person.  We know so little about them, it's easy for us to make up stories about what they are truly like.  In a really fascinating book about the potential for artificial intelligence called On Intelligence which I read several years ago, the author talks about how the human brain is a prediction machine.

Every stimuli has a neuronal firing pattern that allows us to distinguish between the taste of chocolate and the taste of dirt.  Our experiences growing up especially at as children create the neuronal firing patterns and pathways in our brains and those that are used the most are the quickest and most easily accessed while the unused ones atrophy away.

Hence you can always ride a bike once you've learned how but it takes a while to get those neuronal pathways firing well enough for you to do it as well as you did it when you were a kid.

The most intersting thing is that when these start firing there's a kind of chain reaction that is especially strong among the most heavily trafficked and wide pathways which is why when you learn somethig new that's very similar to something you already know, unless you pay close attention, you'll find yourself reverting to the old pattern.

When we meet a woman and things are going well our neurons start firing away and we start predicting what this person is like.  The problem, of course, is that what we're using to predict what she's like is based on how we see ourselves. 

Cross cultural communication is difficult just because we automatically impute our own drives, motives and understandings into other people's actions.  (We do this just as often with those who are close to us too.)

Additionally because our shadow has to be expressed in some way, the other person acts as a blank screen onto which we can project our repressed golden shadow.

 One thing that particularly struck me when I was reading Overcoming Your Shadow though, was that there is definitely a side benefit to projecting all of these positive traits and putting a woman on a pedestal.

If she likes us back--if the near perfect being likes us back from up on their pedestal, then we must be pretty great ourselves and I think that's one of the main reasons men persist in pedestaling women.

In Part VI I'm going to talk why regression is an important part of emotional connection and how that relates to the concept of the shadow.

The Shadow Knows: Part IV - Female Sexual Psychology

In Part IV, I'm going talk about dealing with women's shadows.  Because that's a large part of pickup in the final analysis.  The only way to leave the shadow out of it is with arranged marriages, where you could appeal to the woman's family with logic and they would marry her off to you.

Not anymore...the ironic thing is that many(most?) men still think, as I once did, that appealing to women's logic, their persona、 is what's going to get you the chick.  Often times, it goes something like this, "I was nice, I have a good job, and I took her out and paid for everything.  Therefore she should want to be my girlfriend, or at least fuck me."

Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.  If it did, I never would have learned game.

As I said in part II, most(all?) of our motivations are in our subconscious and a large portion of that is in our Shadow.  Many of our actions in life are to find ways to express our shadows without violating social norms.

Pickup really is about letting women express their shadow in spite of social conditioning while doing it in such a way that they don't "feel bad".  And this is what makes it so difficult.

If you look out my go to movie, Titanic you can see this in action.  Rose feels OK about being a "slut" because:

1) It's "true love"(golden shadow)

2) She begins to see her normal world as being bad(actually, in Titanic, Jack was in a fairly good position because she was already disenchanted and just didn't know that there could be something different).

In fact she was on "death ground" when he met her, literally, since she was planning to jump and kill herself.  So at that point she was pretty desperate to try anything and Jack showed up and gave her a new way to look at and experience life.

Most of us aren't so lucky to happen upon the desperate(nor would you want to, believe me!), plus, we've got an even more serious problem when it comes to Asian women:

The social conditioning is much more rigid than in the west AND the realities are that women logically need men more in Asia and thus who they fuck and marry and have relationships with is more important than it is for Western women who can take care of themselves, "Thank you very much."

Women who Robert Greene, in his book The Art of Seduction calls, "The Exotic Fetishist" are closer to "death ground" because they have already begun to turn away from their socialization and are looking for something else.

This is why there is  a certain "type" of girl that you consistently see dating foreigners:

The Exotic Fetishist. Most of us are excited and intrigued by the exotic.
What separates Exotic Fetishists from the rest of us is the degree of this in-
terest, which seems to govern all their choices in life. In truth they feel
empty inside and have a strong dose of self-loathing. They do not like
wherever it is they come from, their social class (usually middle or upper),
and their culture because they do not like themselves.
These types are easy to recognize. They like to travel; their houses are
filled with objects from faraway places; they fetishize the music or art of this
or that foreign culture. They often have a strong rebellious streak.

-The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, p. 154

What makes this even more interesting is when you think of the Exotic Fetishist in the context of Overcoming Your shadow, where the author talks about falling in love as projecting the good points of your shadow on to another person.  And this is exactly why the exotic fetishist is so easily drawn to foreigners.

It also explains why Rose(in Titanic) is drawn to Jack who embodies all of the traits that her upper class upbringing have forced her to repress.  And that it what I'll write about in part V--the concept of falling in love as projecting your shadow out there.

If there's any aspect that I've covered that you think isn't clear or that you'd like me to go into more, by all means let me know.  Your feedback and thoughts help to sharpen my own thinking.

Also, I suggest you read this article on the concept of the Jungian shadow.

The Shadow Knows: Part III - Male Sexual Psychology

Guys learning game and in the pickup community tend to have a lot of sexual desires in their shadows. 

In Owning Your Own Shadow the author says that you can think of your shadow and your persona as being on opposite sides of a scale and that the two have to be in balance.  You can do that, either by actively finding ways to express your shadow, or by moving things over from your shadow into your persona(ie learning to make those things part of the character you portray to others).

I think that this is why guys who learn game, become waaaaay more balanced as people.  They find healthy ways(through relationships with women, short or long term) to express the sexual side that they've been repressing for lack of satisfactory outlets. 

In men I would say that one major part of the shadow side of their sexuality is the rapist.  In women, I'd say the shadow side is the whore/slut(which of course brings ust Pretty Woman and Titanic, but more on that later).

So, the rapist wants to have sex with a woman just because he finds her physically attractive.  The internal DNA instructions are saying, "IMPREGNATE HER!" which comes out in normal human language as, "Holy shit, I want to fuck that girl!" or some variation thereof.

Instead of slinking off into the corner and masterbating(though they may still do that too) is that guys can also indulge in their fantasies by walking up to the girl and actually opening up the possibility of having a relationship(sexual or otherwise) without vilolating any social rules.

This is a huge leap. 

I knew this guy who if a girl had sex with him, she was automatically a slut.  It was the weirdest thing and reminded me of the old Graucho Marx quote, "I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER."

But when you look at this behavior from the concept of the shadow it begins to make total sense.  If he's expressing aspects of himself that shouldn't be expressed(ie are not acceptable in society) then any woman who accepts that part of him undermines his persona and must be degraded and discarded(ie "sacrificed").

In some ways, the situation of women in the early nineteenth century
has become generalized in the early twenty-first. The outlets for male bad
behavior—war, dirty politics, the institution of mistresses and courtesans—
have faded away; today, not just women but men are supposed to be emi¬
nently civilized and reasonable. And many have a hard time living up to
this. As children we are able to vent the darker side of our characters, a side
that all of us have. But under pressure from society (at first in the form
of our parents), we slowly repress the naughty, rebellious, perverse streaks
in our characters. To get along, we learn to repress our dark sides, which
become a kind of lost self, a part of our psyche buried beneath our polite
appearance.

-The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, p. 354

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The Shadow Knows: Part II - Guest Post by Sexual Kimchi

This is Sexual Kimchi here and when I read RedpoleQ's 1st article on the shadow, I wanted to get in on the action since this is an area I really found useful to explore in my own life.

Lets start with an exercise in Shadow work. (Don’t read the whole article, until you’ve done the exercise.)

First, take a piece of paper and fold it in half. Now, I want you to think of someone you genuinely admire. Write their name in the top of one of the columns. Take a couple of minutes and really picture them in your head. It can be someone famous, someone from you life, or a fictional character. Use as many details as possible. Visualize the person, the details, the context, and add in all of the sensory input that you associate with this person. Now I want you to write down all of their attributes that you admire in one column. Give the whole thing about 10 minutes.

Now, take a break. Get up, walk around, put Beastie Boys’ “Check Your Head” on. Pogo.

Then, when you are done with that nonsense, sit down and think of someone you despise. Same as before, although this time it works better if it is someone you have personal experience with. Write their name down at the top of the other side of the paper. Imagine all of the details of that person. How they look, how they talk, their body language. Write down all of the characteristics of that person that makes you hate them. Write for 10 minutes.

Take a look at both sides of the paper, then scroll down.

Guess what? Both of them are you. Those attributes you have listed are parts of yourself that you have projected onto others. “If you spot it, you got it”. We become unduly annoyed or enraptured by certain things in others because those are the parts of ourself that we are suppressing. That is your shadow getting out. No matter how hard we try to contain it, the thing keeps slipping out.

(If you are anything like me, you would look at that list and see that there are obvious contradictions on it. How can I be both brave and a coward, for example? To put it simply, we are all different people in different contexts. It is quite possible for one person to be brave in one context and a coward in another.)

The shadow is the parts of ourselves we don’t own up to. That can be the “best” and “worst” parts of ourselves.

As we grew up, we all learned that certain parts of ourselves are socially unacceptable.

I see the shadow as being the metaphorical outcome of the socialization process. Think about being a kid again. Think of all the instruction your parents gave you on how to be a good boy or girl, and how they discouraged antisocial behaviour. Think about the pressure you felt to fit in with your friends, and how they discouraged anyone from being different. Its just part of being a social animal. We’ve all been conditioned by others and have modeled others, to the point where a vast amount of Us isn’t really us. And the Us that doesn’t get exercised gets thrown into the shadow.

Jung said we have psychological “gold” in our shadows. That they are a massive source of creative energy and fulfillment. The hard part is tapping into that energy.